If a plane is about to crash and make an emergency water landing there's a certain drill: put on you own oxygen mask first, then put on your kid's mask. You can't help your crazy, panicked child unless if you are suffocating yourself. Put your mask on first.
Putting on your mask = GAL.
If you don't detach/GAL, you'll be too emotionally panicked, oxygen-starved and fenzied to help her.
Divorce busting does not mean enabling an affair and self-destructive behavior.
You need to be there for her, only as much as you are emotionally, mentally and physically able to do so. Taking care of yourself will keep you strong so you can take care for her. You *are* there for her. Mepi. You just can't be there for her in a way that makes her worse. You don't hand a drink to an alcoholic. That's not being there for her.
Take care of yourself, or she'll suck you down in to the abyss. You don't have to show up every time she has a crisis. Go to the gym, have a guys night out. This is the advice people get when married to, or having relatvies that are addicted.
Loving her does not mean blessing her adultety. Loving her does not mean enabling her anorexic behavior. Love is grounded in truth.
My wife wants me to accept her as she is. Fine, but I will never accept her EA with another guy as a legitmate form of self-actualization. I love her, but she's wrong and destroying our family.
