Hi Mama \:\) Do you think it would help if you list the things you've done that have worked and not worked for your sitch?
You're definately right that your H has to feel comfortable approaching you if he's going to talk. Do you think for now that means you have to just let the issues be and work on trust for awhile? What's the plan for feeling good and stomping out that anger and bitterness? \:\)

I'm glad you've decided to live 2007 for you and put yourself first. That's a positive step.. and yes, a smallish stick is coming your way. How do you feel about working more hours and being away from your family while H is continuing his gambling and staying out? I'm not asking that to stir up negative feelings, but am just worried that you might resent it unless you've truly made peace with it and decided it's OK for now. It seems you resolve to be happy with how things are and then it builds over time until you lay it on the line with H and feel like you can't go on the way things are. I see that cyle in your R.. I've lived and still do live that cycle to a certain extent. It's a cheeseless tunnel and won't make you more approachable, it ends up making you unpredictable. I don't know how your H feels about it, but J responds by withdrawing and feeling like he can't trust me. One day I'm happy, and then the next when I've stuffed enough that it bubbles over, he is confronted in a less than loving way. I'm working on this by dealing with my feelings and it's helping. I don't always talk to J about them, but when I need to I do it before I've "had enough" and it turns into a confrontation. Mostly, journalling is helping me to vent and decide a course of action before I take it and backslide too much.

Good luck!

Sheila