Amelia: It sounds as if you have been the one who has had an affair.... I would appreciate your input here....ok, you were unhappy about something... at the "right" time you meet someone you are attracted to an affair "happens..." I can understand and believe that things get carried away.. are not intended....I can understand that you feel bad about the fact that your happiness with someone else is causing your spouse pain... now you tell your spouse you are leaving.. you are in the process of the separation and the divorce and all of a sudden, you are not sooo sorry anymore.. your desire to help the injured spouse is all dried up and you develope a "go to hell" attitude and act as if you were totally justified to have the affair... why the switch in attitude? That is what I want to undertand!
I mean don't you understand the pain your actions have caused to those left behind and that some of that pain could have been avoided? For those who use the affair to end the marriage.. why do it that way.. why not end the marriage and then hook up with whoever? Assuming that events just overtake you.. ok, you have a spouse and children who are now dealing with the repercussions of your choice to leave.... notice it is YOUR choice.. not our choice... the fact that your unilateral choice is severly altering several lives (don't forget about the impact on family members as well).. well that should at least make you feel bad.. and I know that when my I know my actions have hurt someone.. whether it was by accident or as a result of a moment of anger .. that I feel bad about that and try to make it up to them.....but my H doesn't seem to have that attitude at all... he said he was sorry in the beginning.. but I never felt tlike he was sincere at all... how sincere is someone who says they are sorry and then ignores everything you ask them to do that would be helpful to you in terms of adjusting? How sincere is someone in saying they are sorry they hurt you when at the same time thye won't tell you why.. they won't even try counseling and they tell you they are sooo happy now that they have decided and promptly and without any looking back move out within days of dropping the bomb on you? I do not think that all people who have an affair are bad people.. I do agree they are unhappy about something.. and often they have legitimate cause... but how can they continue to pursue what they want, disrupting their children's lives, breaking marriage vows and refusing counsleing... why won't they give it that one last try with professional guidance in that last ditch effort? Why do they have the right to put their happiness above that of the family unit, not to mention against that of the individual members of that family? I am still struggling for answers.. and I like hearing from someone who has "strayed.. " even divorced.. it gives me perspective... thanks.
