Piecing Advice

[Jen_Jam]

Hi SD and thank you so much for posting this. It helps to see similarities in piecing.
Anger - yes I felt it. Remember in October/November last year I ended up having individual C cos I was basically mildly depressed. I think that was my anger turning inward.
When a person DB's their own needs and wants have to go on the backburner for a while in order to reach the bigger goal of saving the M. But this situation cannot go on indefinately, that is NOT a healthy R. Eventually you have to come to a point where you think that your WAS has to be putting in some effort too, in which case you get to piecing.
Why not angry at H? Well, it might be because you have seen him put in the effort to save your M. He's made a mistake in talking to OW but he's realised it's wrong and he's come back. He's now talkign to you, you have probably forgiven him, you are capable of that, you realise people are only human and do get it wrong sometimes.
Anger at OW - def can understand that. She has shown no remorse, maybe to you it seems as if instead of accepting that someone she was getting attention from has decided to go back to his M she is lamenting the attention she is now missing. It probably made her feel good (personaly I think that's a little sick to take pleasure out of attention from a married man) and now you're taking that from her. She is totally ignoring the fact that it was a M at stake here, we are no longer kids in the playground, it's not a case of getting over it in a couple of weeks like you would if we were all teenagers, this is far bigger now.
I think it's good you got that anger out, it's so good that H is listening too. Men (sorry Rob, Swashy, any other men reading) sometimes miss the small signals. I mean to his mind his friendship with her is nothing more than that, so he sees no problem. To you it nearly came between you and H, so I can understand it hurts. Not sure if that made so much sense, just trying to say men often go for the "no problem" route while women prefer to analyse. Neither is right or wrong, both approaches can be either and both at the same time. As you say, it's not about right and wrong.
it would be nice if this OW (LW) could be magnaminous and let it go, the fact it seems she can't speaks volumes - she is to be pitied.
Anyway - back to you. I'm glad you got the anger out and in a constructive way rather than destructive, it's a good example of "it's OK to be angry, it's how you deal with it that counts".

Thank you SO much for sharing this - I am doing OK, realise piecing can be a little confusing at times, I am giving myself the rest of this year to get to a truly "comfortable" position. The new me is not 100% natural yet, but I am celebrating baby steps towards it and noticing when things which were "old me" have been replaced by "new me" (there are situations between me and H which in the past would have led to an argument, now I can take a step back and really THINK before I act). It's not always straightforward but I am now capable. I would hate to get into a position where I think "this is just all the old stuff coming back, I'm off". I now have the tools to look at the bigger picture, consider what I want to happen next, what I need to do to get there and also that I should give MYSELF patience.

OK - gonna go now - hope you're having a good few sleeps now the anger is off your chest!!