Piecing Advice

[SDFoundGirl]

Welllll...we didn't talk about kids. We *started* to, but somehow we ended up in a 2-hour therapy session with me REALLY expressing my anger about and towards the ho-bag snatch with pubic lice.

I'm not even sure how we got there...I know that H said he valued that friendship, BUT NOT AT THE EXPENSE OF OUR MARRIAGE. I was actually surprised at the level of vehemence I felt and expressed towards her...essentially because I really don't believe she couldn't sense H's feelings, b/c she should have told him some of the things they discussed should have been discussed with me, b/c she has been an absolute SNATCH to me when H is not around (totally looked straight at me at a function this past week at H's work, I said hi, and she pretended not to see me. B!TCH!!!!

Anyway, I talked, I cried, I even told H I didn't believe him when he said he'd never discussed particulars with her b/c I'd listened to one of his voicemails early on where she was laughing at me b/c he'd called ME an alien (my 180s).

H has been amazing. He said all he wanted was for me to really figure things out and let it all out. He asked me why I wasn't angry with him...and I can't answer that. Am I? Jen, Rob, have you found you're angry with your S?

Because the thing is, I feel no anger towards H at all. I think I went through that whole process during DBing where there were times I almost hated him for putting us through this. And I came to an understanding of his position because I know and love him.

So, am I harboring anger towards him? I don't feel like it....I don't act like it....but then I was totally shocked at just HOW angry I felt towards the snatch. Told H and the MC I just wanted to punch her in the face every time I see her, how I feel like she senses the change in attention and is a bit put out and that's why she's being such a C-word (a word I truly reserve for very, very special occasions!). Also told him how I didn't trust that he'd come back to the M b/c of me, but b/c the snatch had hooked up w/the friend...and why I thought that. (H acted all super down the Thursday b/4 Labor Day, like his life was over....that was the weekend I almost cheated on him--and told him that in MC--and then right after LD was when he changed his demeanor towards me. MC looked at her notes and confirmed a change in attitude!)

Anyway, it's not about being right. H has been amazingly supportive and loving, and it's those actions which give me trust in him and our M again. It's those things that are helping to heal our relationship together. And, quite frankly, it's nice to have my turn to speak my mind. Not in a mean way, but in an honest way.

For the first time in forever I slept like a baby and felt lighter after that session. It was a good one, one I didn't even realize I needed.

Hope all is well with everyone else!

Love,

SD