I COULD NOT UPDATE THIS MORNING OR EVEN JUST JOURNAL BECAUSE
YESTERDAY...
I was feeling a little anxiety in the morning in the past two weeks it had been coming and going but I hadnt had a panic attack and so I thought I had it all under control. I took my little ones to their camp carnival at their elementary school and I felt a little bad so I decided to sit and anyway by the time we were ready to leave I was feeling so overwhelmed that I felt the need to lay down.
But of course you cannot lay down to calm your nerves in front of hundreds of people. So it progresssed and by the time we reached the car I was having the panic attck of all panic attacks. I have never had one so severe or sooooo long.
I Thanked God we only live @ 5 blocks from the school and I drove home as best I could my speech began to slur and by the time we got in the house I felt my body begin to tense up as though I were having a seizure,,, I had promised my H the kids would call him. So I dial him and our D9 starts talking to her Daddy and meanwhile my attack proceds and I have never felt so scared but I was not sure why I was feeling like this and it was so severe that I did not even know it was a panic attack.

My H asked me D to talk to me within minutes after talking to her and I tried to talk as normal as I could so as not to worry my H and he knew right away.

MY words were slurred ,,, he said in a concerned voice " why are you talking like that ?" I started to cry nand said I dunno I feel really strange I cannot explain it.
He stayed on the phone with me and then he said the most wonderful thing of all

I LOVE YOU.. I got choked up ( I have not heard that since December and if you remember he said he wasnt gonna say it etc etc etc) and said I love you too.
Then the biggest shocker of all,, he told me to get in the car and go have a drink at out fave local bar put a good cd in my car and try to chill out,, MY HUSBAND DOES NOT LIKE FOR ME TO EVER GO OUT WHEN HE IS AWAY HE HAS NEVER, EVER , SAID THIS TO ME.IN TEN YEARS. And he finished with and just remember how much I love you! and that should help you some,, and I said yes that will help me alot! (with tears in my voice of course)


I am still in shock....

So I went to the DR right away this morning and I will begin taking Lexapro. I need to read about the side effects etc etc I forgot to ask my DR.
And then my Aunt treated me to lunch and I actually even though I am not feeling like my old self yet ( for some reason I feel just weak nad not myself) had a real nice time and I stayed out of the house the whole day,, it was nice. I rarely ever treat myself to that whim . Scary but after yesterday I realized I really need to slow waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down and start to smell the roses as they say.

I called my h and told him what they told me and he seemed genuinely concerned and has actually called me twice from his Dads celll phone ( another first for him ) and he wanted to see how I was feeling and make sure I am ok.

SO thank you all for caring and being here for me. I will continue to post everyday and I see now that MORE THAN EVER I need to take it easy and now more than ever take care of me,,,,


YESTERDAY SCARED ME SO MUCH IT IS HARD TO PUT INTO WORDS AND I DO THANK YOU ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF ,MY HEART FOR SUPPORTING ME IT MEANS SO VERY, VERY MUCH TO ME!!!!
GOD BLESS...