You and your W are able to live together "civilly", work together at raising your son, are still going to MC, and you mention no abusive incidents.
Just because I haven't mentioned them doesn't mean they're not there. There was one incident fairly recently where I decided I was done being walked on - W made a nasty comment about how I am weak and don't stand up to her. So I did. I told her I was disconnecting the computer, that I was not going to allow my home to be defiled by the ongoing contact any longer. I got hit in the back of the head, a nasty scratch on my neck, etc. I documented it all, even called the NYS domestic violence hotline only to be blown off. I called the police station to find out whether I could file a report without pressing charges, and found out I could, but later found out that if I did that W would have to be arrested. I gave in to the desire to protect W from the consequences of her behavior, and didn't file a report. She later confided that she believes that I push all her buttons and make her do things like that.
There has certainly been progress and there have been gains in the sitch. Just funny you said what you did. Our son is great despite everything. He would be much better off if things were different, but he's great now. We don't hear "stop fighting guys" all that often anymore. Just to clarify, he says this even when we're having a debate without anger or upset.
Quote:
That is progress. All this and you've managed to keep your self respect too! That's awesome! But, you sound like you are pondering the next move?
Always.
Quote:
Maybe it's a good time to look at what's going right and ask yourself "why is it going right". What are you doing that has resulted in the improvements here? Look at when you and your W are getting along best, what is happening? What can you do to get more of those things going? What have you been doing to keep yourself where you are rather than backsliding which would be so easy to do. Is there any small thing you could do that might help to move to where you want to be even just a tiny bit? Small victories can create bigger ones. Keep your eye on small gains versus the bigger prize. These are my thoughts for you today. You sound great!
This is tricky for me to see, because there seem to be a great many things happening at once. It's hard to know what the causal link really is. I'm working at it though. Thanks for checking in.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
