Hi sweetie \:\) Post here anytime.. my thread es tu thread!

I get what you're saying loud and clear. It's SO hard to remain level headed when there's so much ground to cover ahead. It wasn't long ago that I realized my sabotage was robbing me of good things. Those moments of confronting the truths our C talked about. It's so easy to say "yeah, but..." when things are improving, but progress is slow. My moment has brought about a huge change between me and J. Since I've seen clearly how my mental dialogue corrupts my emotions, it's become easier to let it go. Knowing I'm the source of the problems gives me something I can really fix. Just a couple of weeks ago I was glad we were together but still feeling unloved and unsatisfied with our physical R. The only thing that's changed in that area is my attitude, and I've been sooo happy and feel much closer to J. In fact, I havent wanted to ML any more than he's able.. isnt that funny coming from me the neglected HD spouse?! I'm claiming his love and not putting a wall up, so although we're not ML often, I'm feeling the love he's trying to share instead of "yeah butting" our sitch to deal.

Projecting your feelings huh? It definately sounds plausible, and if that's the case, the cure for the anger and rage could be just around the corner \:\) I wonder if I did the same earlier this week.. had a big blacksliding hissy fit about J not helping more. Came at a time when I was overwhelmed with how much I have to do and how slow the progress is. Blame shifting.. ugh. Yep.

I'm so glad you shared all of this. I think it's common to a lot of us on the boards really. The anger is often at the surface and setbacks come regularly.. it's hard to not let it take us for a mental and emotional ride when we're not feeling at our best.

Hugggggs!!! Hope your newfound peace keeps you thinking positive \:\)

Sheila