Quote: ------------------------------------ That's it. H is a very good man, a good husband and I am a sh*thead for all the whining I do about not getting the attention and sex I want. ------------------------------------
Hubby is a good guy, the rest of what you said in the quote is simply not true.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
a bruise and small abrasion on my hip from the lap belt, bruises on my knees from the seatbelt and a very sore ankle from tensing and hitting the brake so hard Karen1, that sounds like an accident the grouphome boys were in. No longterm damage but lots of seatbelt marks, really red marks. Their Rx was ibuprofen.
I am just filled with this shame and self loathing...... That's it. H is a very good man, a good husband and I am a sh*thead for all the whining I do about not getting the attention and sex I want. Sh*thead???? Really?????? Dearie, listen to Lil! Beating up yourself now is useless.
The best lesson form any "accident" is to drive more defensive in the future. That is all you can do, now and in the future.
Hugggggles, Karen. I know you must be shaken up, but thank goodness you and the little one(s) are okay. Sounds like H was really there for you. Have a peaceful weekend...a comfy robe, cozy chair and feet up are Dr. IHJ's orders. And definitely the chocolate. xo.
Thanks everyone. I just feel somehow disloyal. I have gone back and read some of my old posts since I am on bedrest for the weekend and feel ashamed of sitting in judgement of H. No - he isn't perfect and neither am I. There is a part of me that thinks I need to just tune in to my life and stay out of my head. Instead of posting I need to be attentive to the good in my life, the good parts of H, the good parts of my kids and stop feeling entitled to have anything.
I am a lucky, lucky woman. I have wonderful children, an H who loves me in his way, a nice home, a good job (who sent me flowers BTW), parents who live close by and came to support and help us all (without a single discouraging word) and due to miracles of insurance, a rental car that H picked up for me to use complete with new car seat that he went and got yesterday too. How much better does it get for anyone in this world?
It is more than just counting blessings. It is recognizing something that is almost intangible - maybe I am getting back from the universe a little of what I've been dishing out. I have never had an accident like that. I am a good, careful driver generally. I don't speed often, I have had one or two small fender benders since I started driving, two tickets in my life. I wasn't talking on my cell, sipping coffee, eating breakfast or anything else when the accident happened. I was probably thinking about the meeting I was headed to, my grocery list, getting gas later, whatever. I was on time for my meeting, a little early, not speeding but to some extent I was probably in my head. Maybe this is the universe saying - slow down, notice the love in your life, quit living so much in your head....get a grip woman, you won't live forever so "chop wood, carry water."
Anyone who has never heard that reference (I'm betting that most of you have) - a student of the Bhudda wanted to know how to reach enlightenment and that was the perscription - "Chop wood, carry water". Upon further questioning, that was still the answer. See? Maybe the reason for my accident, the reason for my flailing in my marriage and the reason for some other things in my life are that I am not chopping wood and carrying water, I am doing that while I do 1,000 other things in my head and the result is that I am not safe with the ax and I spill some of the water.
Go to the Byron Katie website and do some of her exercises... examine your thoughts: is this true? can you absolutely know this is true? how do you behave when you believe this thought? how do you treat the other person when you believe this thought? who would you be without this thought? And most importantly... turn it around.
You read "I Need Your Love," didn't you? Pull it out again. I've been immersing myself in her stuff for the last couple of weeks, and it's really turned me around.
The advice you gave Chrome is good... but instead of stopping your thoughts, or even just observing them and letting them go (that can be very difficult), what Katie does (as you know) is have you EXAMINE your thoughts and see if they are really true. And even if they ARE true: how do you feel, think, live your life, and treat others if you BELIEVE them. That's Buddhism where the rubber meets the road (Mrs. Hairdog!!). Unexamined beliefs cause us a lot of misery. Katie gives a concrete method for putting Buddhism into practice (rather than just sitting and watching our thoughts... she takes it a step further). She takes it out of the mental realm into the experiential realm.
This accident could be a major wakeup call for you, karen. Don't turn it into a reason (excuse) to kick yourself around the block and diss all the feelings you've been having. Stop scolding yourself. ["I was totally wrong about my h." "Is that true? Can you absolutely know that is true?"] Just examine your beliefs/thoughts and ask yourself: what is my interior life like when I believe these thoughts (and the fact is that it's hard to be absolutely positively sure about ANY of our thoughts and conclusions, but we ACT and LIVE as though we can be sure).
As Katie says, the reason for "loving what is" is because to do otherwise HURTS.
I would urge you to download the audio version of "Loving What Is"-- the dialogues on there are Katie's own voice and actual clients... the effect is pretty stunning. I had already read the book, but the audio version went straight to some primitive part of my brain and kicked me to a new level.
