Like a ton of bricks.

[Lost_for_now]

First off, thank you so much for all of your suggestions and advice. I can't tell you how much it helps. Maybe I should paste the link for my story in the other forums you suggested?

On to your great advice (my responses follow your text which is in quotes)...

"Your story sounds a lot like mine. Their switch turns off and they lose the feeling and they see no way of returning. Frustrating. I wish I could offer you some solution but I have been at this a year now and things are the same for me. I can fully relate to seeing a different person, the mechanical interactions, WAW seeing my changes but they are too late. Hard to figure her out and after a year at this I learned you can drive yourself crazy trying."

Yes, you are sure correct about all of this. I know that I need to stop trying to figure out why she is doing what she is, but it sure is tough. I think a lot of it is that I figure that if I can just deduce what she is thinking I can help fix it. The reality is that she doesn't want to fix it. SHE could fix it if she wanted, she just doesn't want to. That's the part that's really tough to swallow.

"Many do want to stay friends – I think it helps their guilt and to tell themselves they are not hurting us and this is all okay somehow. Better to stay friendly although you must be feeling anger and frustration right now (I did). But controlled anger is a good emotion."

I will just never understand her desire to stay friends. I guess from the perspective of the person who walks away, it's easy to want to stay friends right? I mean, things between us were never hurtful toward each other, and we were never mean to each other. I guess we drifted apart. So from her point of view (already being completely detached and moved on) it would be easy to move on. If I talk to her and tell her that I'm going out with a friend of mine, she will tell me to "have a great time" or even "good luck!" as if she wants me to meet someone else. Before, if I were going out with the same guy she would worry that I was going to cheat on her with some random girl. The question I have is, how only after a year and change can someone so completely close off feelings like that?

"Best thing you can do is try to detach and Get a Life (GAL) as we call it here. Focus on you. Hard to do; ask me how I know that. Do read Divorce Remedy. Have you filed for D yet? If not, give her space and be supportive of what she wants to do. Try not to let her actions get to you – whatever she does is perfectly okay, for her. You are only a few months along in the journey so anything might still happen."

I've actually started on the whole GAL thing and I have my ups and downs. She was the one that moved out of our house, and sometimes it's hard being there by myself but then I really thank God for my two dogs. Talk about unconditional love! I cleared out all pictures of either her or us and put them in a box. That really did help me as I was really growing tired of being in a good mood, then seeing a wedding picture of us that would put me in a tailspin. I also agree about not letting her actions get to me. Not easy, but you are right I think in it being the best courrse of action. I have not filed for divorce, and she has not either. We are supposed to be having a meeting to discuss our 'settlement' ideas and from everything she has told me she is willing to be very amicable about splitting things up.

"Interesting you were married such a short time. Folks here seem to average about 10 years married before the bomb. Did you date long before you married? Any other issues?"

You have hit on the very thing that has baffled me since the start. We met in 2003, and lived together for over two years when we got married in 2005. We will have been together for four years next week. This is the exact thing that I will never come to grips with, which is her throwing in the towel so fast. Like I said, after we got married I started taking a lot for granted, not giving our relationship the attention it deserved. Nonetheless, I cannot see this drastic a move so fast. Her response is, "we shouldn't have these problems so soon after marriage" and I guess maybe that's true. But isn't the important thing that I acknowledge and more importantly want to change the problems? Not to her; as I said, it was a case of too little, too late.

"Don’t worry the kids. I was 42 when my first was born. Plenty of time for you."

Thank you for those words, I was really starting to feel the walls closing in on me!