Thanks for the well wishes all.

This story relates to the topic of M because my H is a real hero in it and this is part of why I love him and continue to trudge through our issues.

Yesterday am I am headed South to work and the sun is in my face. I don't see the red light until too late and hit a car that is entering the "intersection" (intersection is an interesting term here as it is a semi-rural road, down a hill, doesn't look much like an intersection and the Southbound light is almost never red). Ok - so I hit her left front quarter panel, her car bounces and hits the side of my car (the side of DD2's carseat), my car continues it's forward momentum into a median between a light pole and a sign pole whereupon both air bags deploy and the windshield cracks because it is so cold. I walk away with a sore chest,nose and brow bone from the air bag, a bruise and small abrasion on my hip from the lap belt, bruises on my knees from the seatbelt and a very sore ankle from tensing and hitting the brake so hard. DD2 has not a nick on her. The other driver hurt her knees on her steering wheel. The Subaru and the car seat really performed. The car is totalled because it is older and the airbags deployed, hers is probably fixable. Needless to say, it is my fault and I feel like shit about it.

I went to hospital to have the baby monitored. My adrenaline was so high that my heart rate was 104 (normally 60), baby was 172 (normally in the 140's). After a while we both calmed down. So no bleeding, nothing broken, no one in need of surgery. Thank God. The cop encouraged me to go to court because my driving record is clean and there have been a lot of wrecks at that intersection for the same reason.

My H drove the hour down to where I was, cancelling his afternoon training on the way, calling the insurance company and calling my parents to meet him at the hospital too. He came in and stuck to the mantra of, " it's only a car, accidents happen, I'm just glad that everyone is ok, could happen to anyone..." Meanwhile I just feel like crap about it. I hate that we have to buy a new car. I hate that it was my fault. I hate that I endangered my babies. I am just filled with this shame and self loathing. H is nothing but supportive.

So, I am to rest for the weekend and can return to work on Monday. DD2 has asked some questions - Mommy's car is broken? I need a new car seat? She was so good, she barely cried, she answered anyone who asked anything. Wow. Me - I keep crying intermittently which I didn't do after the accident until I was in the ambulance. H is going to get a rental car and a new carseat.

That's it. H is a very good man, a good husband and I am a sh*thead for all the whining I do about not getting the attention and sex I want.

Karen