"I just want to thank you for understanding that when someone has an affair there is always a reason behind it, and that we are not terrible home wrecking monsters. I appreciate how you are able to put in to words the circumstances that lead up to an affair, and the feelings that go with them."
This makes me anxious...before I would have said angry-but I've moved on to the anxious stage now. So as to not re-write my marathon postings from earlier on this thread-you can go up and read.(or re-read as is probably the case...?)
I really wanted to blame the OW in my case, but she did not know my H was married. So how can I blame her? I do not. I was pleasently surprised to receive a reply from her when I dropped the bomb on her in an email and told her the truth, she had emailed H months before asking why she had not heard from him-so I replied and TOLD her why, and I wasn't very nice about it either. I also told her that she ruined mine and my kids' lives, which of course she did not and I regret having said that. She apologized to me profusely.
I do not think she is a terrible monster or a home wrecker. She actually sounded like a nice person, one I could get along with, well, under way different circumstances of course.
Would I feel differently if she did know he was married and she just didn't care and carried on with him anyway? Maybe, probably, I imagine I would. I do not assume I know how I will react to any given situation any more.
You say there is always a reason for having an A. I don't think so, at least my H certainly disagrees with you. He STILL says 'he doesn't know why' he did it. Of course, I have not asked in a long time....
I think there are a compilation of reasons. Obviously not just one clear cut-simple-black and white REASON. And, for some reason he is still unwilling and/or unable to face them and tell me.
I have to believe that he will tell me when he can, after he has made his own peace with it. I think I am starting to understand how it all led to his A...I know what part in I played, and what things I did to contribute to it...but I really did not think he was in 'such a bad place' and certainly never thought he was headed down that road. I was pretty naive, huh.
Course, he could still be lying to me, and not telling me in order to not hurt me, but that in itself is ridiculous....HURT me?! A bit too late for that, huh!! (sorry, sick humor, I know)
Thanks again for your input, it's nice to hear all sides of this issue...and I have found that putting myself in his shoes, albeit having to make up some of the ways he was feeling (cuz he says 'I don't know') has helped me tremendously.
