I did get a reply from my email. H says he is sorry but he is moving forward with the d. I am not sure how much he has done or if this is just talk. He has never been one to follow through.
I told him before any d I want some answers. I know there are not any but I need to try.
I am pretty sure this time that he will follow through. I never thought I would be d. You would think after 4 years I would be more prepared.
It is strange because I am sad but relieved at the same time.
Mermaid, You pushed his buttons when you sent the email about the boundaies. Step back and wait patiently to see if he has actually done any of the "hard", but necessary, work to file. If he thinks a divorce is a simple deed to do, he's got another thing coming, especially when it comes to paying for the lawyer's fee.
If you don't want the "D", don't say a thing about it. I suspect he may be blowing smoke, but time will tell. Yes, it's sad when it's been 4 years and he's now decided w/o any discussion w/you that he wants a "D". I can understand your statement about it being sad, but a relief as well. You've fought the battle and it's not over yet.
Please take care of yourself. Do sit quietly and wait, for more will be revealed to you. Your h is still in replay and can't see the forest for the trees.
What hurts is the coldness of his email. He takes responsability but no apologies. Anyway you are right I do think he thinks that a d will be quick and easy. He tried to give me the impression that he has everything in motion but I doubt it.
He does seem to think he has found the love of his life right now though. I do feel tossed aside like garbage.
I am going to be still and see what unfolds.
When all this began 4 years ago d8 was going into kindergarten. Now it has all come full circle and d4 will be going. I just cant help but feel there is something here. Like when I said it seems I am back at the beginning with the whole bingo thing.
Maybe I am supposed to start a the begining so I can see what I missed. But again I will just be still.
At least one thing is for sure I will have it part of a d that h does half the participation for the school.
Maybe I am supposed to start a the begining so I can see what I missed.
Or maybe HE is supposed to see what HE missed. Either way, being still is really your only option right now unless you want to file, which I don't think you do.
Mermaid, I know that you want closure here; I do too and I've not been at this nearly as long as you have. I so admire your strength. Please know that your friends here will always support your decisions: to stand, to go darker, to file. It's up to you.
~Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Thank you Nicola for the support. I am going to be still and stay dark. That is all I can do for now. I don't want to be the one to file but I am not really that sad about h doing it. Maybe because I don't believe he will at least any time soon or maybe because I need it to be done.
I was torn up about the email because it sounded so cold. He also sounded so arrogant. But he is so ignorant.(among other things).He actually said the girls are lucky to have me and him. WTF??? Lucky to have a father that abandons them. He also said he thanks God everyday for his girls. Yet he abuses the privelage of being their father. He is mocking God. He does not yet realize what that means. He will not get off easy that is for sure.
I am sure that ow is making him happy right now. I don't think he can stand to be without her. She is the drug and he is addicted and therefore convinced himself that she is the love of his life. He is so deep in replay. I guess it is truly full blown mlc.
But I see now how I was being prepared for this. I have been grieving the end of m for some time now.
I think I need to take some time away from the board. I need to regroup my thoughts and feelings.
Hi Mermaid, [quote=mermaid]He actually said the girls are lucky to have me and him. quote]
Oh yeah, my H still claims he is a better father than he ever was before and even says he is soooo proud of that. The funny thing is...I can't argue with that very much. When he was home, he barely spent anytime with D9 unless we were doing something as a family and even when we did that, he always made me feel like it was killing him to be with us. Now that he's away, he spends more quality time with D9 when he comes to visit her.
So, while I agree with him that he is a better father than he was before in terms of the quality time he spends with D9, it will NEVER make up for him being gone.
Mermaid, The coldness is all part of the ride for your h. He feels he needs to be cold and possibly distant so that you get the message that he's over the marriage/relation and you. Don't buy it for one minute. He's being a bit passive-aggressive in taking responsiblity for what he did, but apologies may not come for a very long time. At least, in my situation, it took almost six years to hear an apology for everything that happened in the marriage, but not for the behavior while crisis. Trust me, you'll hear an apology later on and it just might be too late, we don't know at this time.
Yes, we are all tossed to the side of the road liked garbage and it's not a pleasant feeling. However, do you know what? You'll rise above all of this and you will go on w/your life and you just might be pleasantly surprised in a little while just how nice it is not to have to worry about what he's doing, thinking or how he might react to what you say or do.
Hang in there. Your next chapter hasn't been written yet and you will find the strength, self-respect and dignity to continue to hold your head up high and march forward. Never under estimate yourself. You are stronger than you think and w/two young daughters, you will be there every step of the way for them.
Mermaid, don't look back, look to the future. We can't change the past, we can live in the present and think about what we would like to do in the future. I have a feeling that your future will be a very promising one.
Haven't checked the bb for a few weeks and just caught up w/ your latest. Sorry to see that it did turn out to be the "calm before the storm" that you speculated it might be a while back.
Don't know if you'll see this for a while if you're taking a break, FWIW the e-mail I got from my H about the D was similarly cold, but in a later e-mail he noted that it's sad for him too. I guess he just didn't want to go there generally. About the apologies, don't expect them from someone who believes what he's doing is justified. Just tell yourself whatever and forget about that.
