Maybe H needs permission to grieve the loss of his child, or at least what he believes to be the loss of his child...
If OW has reason to grieve after the abortion, so does H. But, I hope H depends on you for support through his grieving rather than OW.
It is not really very healthy for OW to rely upon H for support if he is exiting her life. He will not give her what she really emotionally wants from him and it will truly just make her life worse.
I wouldn't push H to "forgive" himself for the abortion. This suggests he did something wrong.
