My W seems to want to spend as much time as possible with me. This includes having breakfast and dinner, even though we live in separate places.
This also includes sleeping together, although there haven't been any fringe benefits to that for a long time.
She has forwarded me a list including a whole slew of activities she wants to do with me - everything from working on projects together, to cultural events, domestic stuff, and travel.
But (and this is the thing), she "cannot" be married to me. She "can't imagine life without me in it," and "would like to live in the same city, if not the same house," but there is "no way" this relationship could ever be anything other than "friends."
Effectively, she has no family. She has very few friends, none of whom are exactly good role models, and none of whom date back much more than a couple years (if that).
She has a OM, who was ostensibly "just a friend" (very strange to say this even after admitting to PA with him), and who is the kind of friend who wants her to leave her husband to marry him.
So how much am I the default choice?
I don't know. Maybe she doesn't know. It is a lousy position to be in. For example...
She tells me she "loves me" about 50 x a day. When her up mood drops and despair sets in, she shows up at my door or in my bed, looking for comfort. She is so bad off that I can't help but feel for her. It is really wrenching to watch - shaking, crying, gasping for breath, the whole thing.
My "detachment" consists of trying not to get my hopes up when she comes around, but just to show her undemanding love. But this gets to be pretty g-damn tiring when the cycle goes from up to down to up to down again.
And I feel put upon that she wants to have such a happy relationship with me, as if just ushering me out the door and letting in the OM is the most natural thing in the world.
So the GAL thing is important, but hard to pull off.
She's very quick, and can tell when I'm backing away from heavy emotional involvement. Then she starts a kind of game, as if it what's going on is just me being angry: she gives me a sort of smile as if to say, "oh, I see you're taking your distance. Well, good for you," but she sort of pays me back in kind up to a point. Then she usually collapses in one way or another, and the whole thing starts up again.
That's making a very long story out of dinner, but it's a complicated dish.
