Still in the fight

[81388*]

Update;
W is going out of town this weekend, BUT, made a big deal out of who was going to be there and what the hotel arrangements were.(NO OM) Oh, thats right I don't care, I am detached.

Really, I am quite confused. Life can be almost normal at times, but then I realize that my W wants to be w/ someone else, and I am just the band-aid or comforter while they are apart. I also realize that I am too available. Problem with the printer, I will fix it over lunch. Can't find book you need, I will look for it after dinner. Problem with your truck, let me take a look after work. Need to talk, I can put appointments on hold and would love to talk to you.

W got her hair cut today, and yes it was dramatic enough that I noticed, as opposed to the "1/8 inch trim the split ends, you don't even look at me anymore haircut" (sorry ladies :D) I told her she looked great, she acted like she wasn't quite sure how she felt about it. I went out on a limb and told her it looked sassy and sexy. She said she was worried it made her look old. I said "just for the record, sassy and sexy is the opposite of old, at least in my book."

I keep seeing these sparkly, shiney moments of the woman I have loved for so long that I honestly don't remember a time when I didn't. I have to fight the urge to reach out and touch her, to hold her, to kiss her. I go to bed praying for her and wake up in the middle of the night dreaming about her only to realize she is not next to me, and would rather be next to OM. Only to fall asleep and dream about her w/ OM. What a life.

And yet every day, a little piece of that love falls away. I find myself thinking about my life w/out her, what will I have to do at work to make time for the kids?, could I ever really have a relationship with another person? How could that ever be fair to someone else?

Just another day in brokenheartsville, I used to love that song, but now my life has become a country song.