Hi there!! looks like we all got the Bat Call to come on over!
Sorry you're here, but it's the best place on this nutty ride.
Read around the resources, and read the threads. This is helpful b/c we all have variations on the wonderful theme of MLC. You'll see a core pattern, but also see so many different manifestations of it: blowing $, working out, neglecting kids, abandoning duties, tanking jobs, no communication, angry spews, rewriting history. The works.
Tips?
* TRY not to take it personally. It's not about you. You will come to realize that. But it still hurts, dang it.
* He is not your H now. So, as much as you can, keep reminding yourself this when he does something totally insane.
* He WILL turn into the polar opposite of what he was.
* No begging, pleading, pursuing. Give him space.
* Drop that rope. If he moves out (are you still together), then let him truly be single. Try not to mother, etc. Let him experience that for himself.
* If he is at home, detach and get your own life as much as possible, I think living with them is the hardest and most everyone here is separated (God bless us).
* Find yourself. Your hobbies, your interests, your pleasures. Keep in touch with friends, even if you don't tell them everything. Try to go out even if it feels hollow. You will learn to have more fun as time goes on. Pour yourself into your kids as your H will probably not be the best dad now. Do what you like, even if it's really frivilous.....Lissy here likes shoes, I love bath products, whatever gets a smile on during your day.
* Validate, listen and all that, no matter how insane (OK, I broke this rule recently).
* Let him go to the C, give him privacy (that's amazing he wants to do that).
* Be prepared. Things may seem to be going well, or start off good, but they can go downhill during the thick of this. My H was so ready to work on things and amazed at how he felt in the beginning and then he entered MLC full-throttle.
* You will hear mixed messages....don't take it all seriously, it will drive you NUTS. They will appear to have the time of their life. But you see them look and act lifeless. They will tell you how depressed they are, but go out and go wild with spending and fun times.
I think that's all for me.....just keep reading and join us. Come here often. Vent, get it out, tell us more, we will try to help as much as we can.
Find the light in YOUR life. Hang onto it, this is a wild ride. But you don't have to be on it!
