Thanks guys, that helps. Sometimes you are just so "into" the dynamics of the sitch you have trouble seeing the forest for the trees. Last night, I did not understand what she was saying and was seeking clarification. But the tone, of course, was "attacking", as you say Muddle, "you have wronged me by leaving those magazines there". Well, in my eyes I haven't wronged anybody because number 1 I moved them from the front hall because she was having guests in that day, not just because there was no room in the re-cycle. I wanted her to feel proud and not embarassed when her company arrived. Now, of course, she has no idea that was my intent so that may have added to any emotional reaction I had. I felt it wasn't worth getting into at the time. I try to give the benefit of the doubt in these instances and probably should realize that's not working with this person. Tonight she is in a rather pleasant mood and at the table we were discussing with D13 how she could get downstairs at a reasonable time in the morning. At one point D threw out a remark that W bit on and they began bantering, which took us away from the solution we were attempting to get to. I also know how easily these little forays turn into W feeling attacked, so I said "Excuse me, I'm just wondering whether this conversation is taking us to where we want to be?" D said "No, it's not", I said "what do we have to do to resolve the issue" D said "get back to talking about it" Done! W had no negative reaction to that little intervention and we carried on to a successful conclusion. Something went right there, I think I dealt with the dynamic of what was taking place versus who was to blame for that dynamic. Live and learn. I'll have to start thinking about how I can enforce my boundaries without being a prick while also being sensitive to her needs at the same time. Thanks again.
