Below is a recitation of positive affirmations I read in a book once. It's a great way to self-soothe and boost PMA instantly. I hope it helps you.
Repeat this to yourself throughout the day:
1. I want my H to love me unconditionally, to be faithful and loyal to me. 2. I know that I will receive whatever I ask for. 3. I will not make any judgements as to how this will come about. 4. I will be grateful.
Then make your gratitude list.
I am so happy and grateful now that:
(((hugs))) rainbowlove, ----------------------- JG is coming back to me and we're going to have a family. Positive thinking!
How about trying this - pick a specific day this week or next and pick something to do - even if it is only to go to a coffee bar - and as soon as S has gone to school go do it before you get thinking about things. I had to do this about 2 weeks after H left. My friend gave me the idea. I picked a day and wasn't allowed to back out of it and I set my alarm and I got me and S ready and went to town on the train - I had never taken S on public transport before - I had made a list of things to buy - one of them being R self help book - and I did it and came home. I felt so much stronger when I got home and H was amazed when he found out too.
The support group sounds like a good idea. We went to one when we were going through IVF stuff. It really helps to talk to people in the same sitch.
My S does have lots of little friends now yes. He has been to two parties in the last couple of weeks and has another one soon. It's really sweet.
I think your H mentioning things to do the home is a sign he's coming out of his alien phase too. My H is doing the same. He has started mentioning things that need doing in the garden whereas when we were separated he didn't care about it at all and I had to struggle with it. I think they like to feel in control because they maybe didn't feel in control before they left - think that is why they don't like it if we mention future but it is OK for them to.
I'm pleased it's not just me then. We've had a couple of little disagreements and like you I have felt more confident after them - it's like until you've had that first row its not quite real and you think they'll leave if you have one.
I'm not surprised you feel a little cautious coming up to the anniversary of the bomb. I keep wondering myself how I'll feel when we get to that day and also if things will be completely fixed by then or not.
IP, I have no advice of my own to give, I'm not even "piecing" yet! But I just wanted to say how glad I am that I dropped by this thread, because there is a lot of good info here. I'm so happy for you that you're piecing. Especially that he put his ring back on. If my H did that, I can't even express how much that would mean to me. Wow. Keep going with your gratitude list each day to build up your PMA!
Hi poised. Thanks for dropping in I'm glad that you have found some useful info. It does mean a lot that H is wearing his ring. I hope you get to piecing soon. Good luck.
not feeling any better today. The lack of improvement on kissing/ML issue is getting me down again. I'm starting to think I must be some sort of wierdo for thinking about it so much and H doesn't seem remotely bothered that nothing is happening. I just can't seem to find a solution to this problem. Well not the problem cos I know only H can sort that but a solution to me handling it better. I don't feel wanted, or loved, or needed AT ALL. I just keep on trying not to ask H about it or mention it but I've only managed that for five days and I'm at it again. H doesn't want me to be struggling with the issue but there is nothing he can do about it (well appart from the obvious which he can't/won't do) How can you stop feeling attracted to someone who you're attracted to?? How can I stop feeling like I want to kiss him?? I feel so trapped. I don't want the R to be over yet I can't handle the R how it is. I really don't see how something like this can be put up with for months on end. I'm scared I'm messing up the very last chance I have. I love this man so much and now I feel like I'm going to lose him because I love him and want him - how ironic would that be.
Now what can you do to bring that PMA up, up, up? And sustain it for a bit.
Here's a thought. Just assume that you've taken an oath of celibacy for now. "Phah! I'm a celibate for now! Sex, what is that?" That's how I'm dealing with my lack of action. I've decided that until JG comes back, I'll be celibate. So now, I'm not feeling so bad about it because I tell myself that it's temporary and that it will change soon once the tide turns and it makes me believe falsely that I have some measure of control of this even though I don't!
Feeling unloved and unwanted sucks. But the fact is that HE DOES love you, it's just taking him a while to fully engage in conjugal relations with you.
Don't think negative and focus on thought of losing him. Make that list of progress everyday! You've met 8 out of 10 goals, remember?? Only 2 more to go. It'll come soon, patience and time.
In the meantime, just relax. Deep breaths and come here and vent.
Everything will work out dear....have faith.
I haven't touched JG since July! No SL since then! With no one! Except for my trusty battery powered friend.
((((hugs)))) rainbowlove ---------------------- JG is coming back to me and we're going to have a family. Positive thinking!
Here's a thought. Just assume that you've taken an oath of celibacy for now. "Phah! I'm a celibate for now! Sex, what is that?" That's how I'm dealing with my lack of action. I've decided that until JG comes back, I'll be celibate
It's so great the way you deal with things. I wish I was as strong as you are.
Quote:
I haven't touched JG since July! No SL since then! With no one!
This sucks so much.