I really do appreciate your thougths Mattie and I usually take time to reflect on a lot of things before taking any action....so far this has been a good thing.
I know that my wife is going through something that I don't understand....she will be turning 35 in a few months and has been a full-time stay at home mother over the last 8 years. She has only told me that "I am a great guy that would never hurt a soul...and that I don't deserve any of what she has put me through" This gives me very little comfort and my anger and disgust are more towards what kind of man she has left to have the affair with.
I did get angry once and told her that I believe this man has no charachter...she was very defensive about him and told me that it takes two....I can understand this but I spoke to him on two separate occasions to ask him to back off from my wife as she was going through some difficult times in her life. Each time he did show remorse but it did not stop them from escalating their relationship to a PA. Right now this hurts more than ever...I feel I gave this man two opportunities to take the high road and he chose not to take it.
Now when I feel this much anger it affects my feelings for my Wife since I can not separate her from him right now. She has accepted counseling for herself just last week and she spoke about how she knows that she needs to work on herself right now, before she can work on us.
I look at this as a positive sign, but my fear is that it has taken so long that I now look at her with indifference where I never used to be able to look at her and not feel love. I worry that I will never get the respect back that I had for her.
You sound like you have come through your ordeal amazingly well. I wondered if the difference may lie in the way a female can interpret the affair as I appear to be stuck on the other man at the moment...just a thought.
Anyway, I appreciate your comments. I honestly can't say that they help me today but your comments around how would I feel if we divorced...made me think a lot. I need to learn a lot about forgiveness as this seems to be the farthest thing from my mind right now.
