DBing isn't about getting your wife back, it is about helping you...however, in helping yourself there lies the chance to get your spouse back.
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I'm doing to "live my life" is a sort of manipulation of the situation, the attempt to rehabituate myself to life w/out my W.
YUP! Bingo...in 6 months or 1 year or 18 months or...you get the idea. If you have rehabituated your life to life without her...and that turns out to be the case...are you going to be better off mentally at that point in time having already adjusted? Conversely if she comes back and you want her, you will have already become a stronger person. Right?
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Sometimes I think that the history of the problems of my M are too important to relegate to half an hour of contemplation at the end of a fulfilling day.
You are looking at ALL the small problems that can be grouped under a few big problems...shouldn't take an hour to think of the few big problems, and see how to work on them and avoid them in the future.
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For one, I'd like to understand what the hell my W is talking about and why some of the time. That's what I mean by analytical - I want to get to the "roots" of what's going on (even if they are only part of the story).
We all do/did. Until she starts speaking honestly the answers she gives will confuse and contradict anyway. That may or may not happen and if it does...thats down the road man. We all want answers sadly we do not always get them ok? Start trying to accept that.
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I want to know how much my behavior contributed to this. It is hard to deal with 1.) guilt and 2.) a sense of being wronged. If I get a better handle on it, I can accept everything more easily.
A little, not as much as you believe, more than likely. Guilt? why you going to do it again? If not forgive yourself, do not dwell on a mistake, just don't make it again. If you plan on doing it again...then feel guilty, mmm K?
As for being wronged, oh man, you were wronged! Suck it up life isn't fair. Otherwise that feeling will hurt you even more. If you cannot forgive the woman you love, your wife....your doomed. Give it up let it go. Everyone gets a screw up, let this be hers.
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So what am I doing for myself? Trying to keep my life as it is in order (enough trouble there), with as much attention as available to trying to better it with or w/out the W.
Blah blah blah...pat answer. I am going to dinner tonight with my parents, tomorrow night I have friends coming over for some games. Staurday writing class in the morning my boys all day long, then hockey game at night with coffee aftwards. Sunday is Family day with my boys and my w.
Thats what I meant.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
