Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see.
She can't have you in her life forever at her beck and call -- the patient friend who holds her hand while she steps on your heart and screws another man. Sorry. She will have you in her life only as long *you* wish to continue divorce-busting. At some point, you will decide when it's over. You hold all the cards, remember that. You are not stuck. You can choose. If you still want your wife back, then you will choose to remain in her life so she can be attracted to your full, interesting, playful and winsome life. Don't hang around her to try and save her -- you can't.
I don't know what's causing this flip/flop in her. Probably a good therapist can help her figure this out. And probably only a therapist can cure her of it. My therapist told me that venting/emotional catharsis experiences like crying, getting mad, screaming, sleeping all day, throwing up, etc, are not cures. They just perpetuate or worsen the problem. Emotions are not disconnected entities that need to be expunged every so often, rather, it's the case that emotions emerge from our thoughts/beliefs. Unless those beliefs/thoughts are healed, addressed, resolved in a congnitive/behavioral fashion, they will continue to cause the roller-coaster emotions.
But I understand you are trying to figure our what's up with her. I'm stumped. It might be guilt, it might be bi-polar issues.
Again, getting a life, detaching and being filled with strength/grace allow you to release the pressure, and act less anxiously/fearfully. GAL will attract her. You can't save her from OM. You can't push away OM. All you can do is attract her. What are you GAL activities?
