I can certainly relate to that last sentence [the worst thing that happened to me turned out to be the best thing). My sitch: separated now 4 years, H lives w/OW. Still pays some household bills for me, we exchange gifts, give birthday and Christmas gifts together within the family, I work for his brother in a small family business (H has no part in it). He has taken me to the Dr. when I have been ill, or had surgery, he stayed in our home with our dogs. Usually, we get along, however, although he will say he has forgiven me, he hasn't. ( I had a brief affair just before I confirmed my suspicions that he was). He is still with her (nurse he had during cancer treatment). He frequently tells me all is my fault and that he can't live with a wife who cheated on him. I stopped immediately when he found out, yet he continues to this day. Just over a year ago, they moved within 8 miles of my home. They had lived in a nearby town and he commuted up here daily to tend to the farm, which he still tends daily. OW built a house and barn (in her name, not his). H and I own cattle, equipment, property I live in, and additional land together. After 4 years of separation I began to date someone. ( a person he knew and encouraged to pursue me). I have no plans for a divorce and as far as I know, he doesn't either. After I started seeing someone, he stopped taking the trash and having much to do with our dogs, it's like he totally abandoned them now. We had no kids together. He has 3 grown and 8 grandkids, all of whom I still have a relationship with, and who don't acknowledge the OW. I still have a great relationship with my Mom-in-law, his mother, with whom he does not get along with at all. During all this strife of the past almost 5 years now, I did join the Catholic church, which has helped me find peace in my heart. H had to actively particpate in that process in order for me to get into the Church, although he is not Catholic. I suppose I need advice on going dark. Just today, he yelled at me and said I wanted to run everything and control everything (just because I mentioed I noticed he changed address on his checking from ours to hers, after over 4 years.) I am a believer in that life is not a bed of roses and that value and strength can be obtained in suffering, whether emotional, mental or physical. Also, if you love something, let it go and if it comes back, it is yours and if not it never was. There are days I feel like leaving the area, and starting over, and then other days, I feel well, turn the other cheek again. Generally, I don't want to face the turmoil I'd have to go through with him in the divorce process. And by the way, I am ok with the church as the person I am seeing understands we will no longer have a sexual relationship. I am still technically married, and I cannot live in the inner turmoil being in the sin of adultey causes. I went over 4 years without, so feel I can do it again. I am more conerned now with my eternal life rather than this one. Any advice or your thoughts would be appreciated, especially do you feel there is any advantage in going dark?
