Thanks for your input. I've made it abundantly clear that I cannot, will not, and never will approve of my W's relationship with the OM. She knows that, but probably hopes (with his encouragement) that I'll get over it eventually and that everyone will be as happy as clams.
Here's God's own truth: I don't want to lose my W. But even stronger than that feeling is that I do not want her life to be ruined by such a piece of living you-know-what.
(I say this not to demonize this OM, but because I know that what he wants from her - she told me - would basically chain down her spirit and destroy her dreams.)
She has known this. But she goes back to him anyway. I cannot grasp how recognizing how pernicious this relationship would be can hold hands with "following your heart," especially when my W's shown wisdom and discernment elsewhere.
So I can hold my own regarding this *-hole. As much as I detach from the situation (she's her own person and HAS to make her own choices), I still don't feel good about what's going on, though.
In that way, you're right about me being at a disadvantage in that way. I don't know if the OM recognizes how damaging he would be to my W (she's told me he's said some things which lead me to believe that he's not blissfully unaware), but he certainly has to have some inkling about how anxious I am about regarding my W's safety with him. And he can use it against me. Case in point: I've found out he's characterized me as "insecure" to my W. No matter that my (misplaced) belief that I can "save" my W from a mouldering gutbag of psychological abortions contributes to that sense of anxiety. For all his "insight," that just sort of drifts away.
But let's not demonize. It's not worth it.
We'll see about the W's courage. There are days where I think her newfound "self" will lead her right to the nearest divorce lawyer - even if she wants me to 'help'.
I'd like to see the courage go in another direction.
