Many people could use this newfound FOO insight and say "see, this is why I am the person I am. A,b,c, happened to me so I am who I am. That's my personality. Deal with it."
This is exactly what my H does say. We talk about dysfunctional FOO stuff all the time. Remember he is a Type 4. It is one of his favorite topics of conversation. I can't tell you how many times I have heard him say "Is it any wonder that I am so f*cked up?". We both know exactly why he avoids intimacy. His father was a cold emotionally repressed hard*zz who rarely showed affection and his mother was a super clingy bucket of fusion who tried to get her emotional needs met through her children because her H was unavailable. My H felt like he had no privacy growing up. Also he the second born in between two sisters who are pretty much clones of MsHD in terms of personality which kind of gave him a bad attitude towards women in general. So my H has conflicting needs for a lot of space because of his clingy mother who he doesn't respect and a lot of attention because of his distant father who he does respect.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
