I think Mojo understands that she has certain intimacy issues and that her H does too. But I’m not so sure HE really understands his issues. Could all this be a dance to avoid feeling intimate and vulnerable, something neither learned to experience as a child and which feels very uncomfortable now as an adult?
Of course. But I'm not sure how much insight is needed in terms of delving into what happened in childhood as much as him realizing that what he is doing is simply avoidance/fear of intimacy. If he can admit that, it would be a great start. Why he has a fear of intimacy is interesting but I don't think vital to fixing the problem. The psychoanalysis viewpoint has shown that one does not spontaneously cure oneself with this newfound knowledge/insight of FOO. In fact, it often can make things worse because people can start to feel victimized, traumatized, etc about their early life experiences. And then staying in that mental place is simply another form of avoidance. Not dealing with the here and now. So I see your points, but what does that solve? Many people could use this newfound FOO insight and say "see, this is why I am the person I am. A,b,c, happened to me so I am who I am. That's my personality. Deal with it." Maybe your W is doing such things. I think putting the problems (fear of intimacy, for instance) in the terms of behaviors instead of personality traits born out of FOO makes the issues much easier to handle and thus attack head on. Sometimes a good dose of reality (what would life be like without my spoues) for instance, often in combination with some good meds, can be enough to jumpstart the healing process. It was in my case.
