Time to Rebuild

[SDFoundGirl]

Oh, I meant to add, at least he didn't get his penis pierced. When I was in New Orleans a couple of years ago, I saw some pics at a tattoo/piercing parlor of just that...EWWWW!

(My friends and I were fairly smashed and visited the tattoo place b/c we'd heard the owner had a split tongue...he did, and we were glad we went to gawk!)

SD

[Jen_Jam]

OK - it was accepted. The ring is out and he doesn't hate me (although he does feel a bit disappointed that the ring had the opposite reaction to the one he hoped for!).
it means a lot to me that he's agreed to this and I will do well to remember it. Now we are working together on our SL (although not right now as I have a cold and feel about as sexy as a lump of dough).
Old us would have had a long drawn out argument with lots of resentment. New us can find a way through. It's not easy but it's not impossible.
H does have other piercings too but he's had these for years, and he has a lot of tattoos as well. I don't know why this one disgusts me so much, I think the timing was so wrong. I was planning on trying to improve our SL, felt secure enough to bring it up in a few weeks time and when I heard about the piercing I suppose I thought "I have been dropping hints that our SL should be better for years, now you go and do somethign which gives YOU pleasure which I've apready said I wouldn't like". I helped create this situation by not clearly and calmly communicating what I wanted. Won't make that mistake again.

[lovingme]

Yeah Jen ~ I am glad he decided to take it out. It is good that he is willing to compromise..he may have thought it would be a huge turn on for you

[Rob1231]

Look on the positive side - it sounds like this has opened the door for some good work on improving your SL in ways that both of you will appreciate. So try to look back on this as a Good Thing!

[inpain_dup1]

Well done Jen!!! Great result without causing a problem between you and H. You've obviously both learnt a lot on how to handle things through all this.

[Confident_Me]

Glad you got this sorted out amicably Jen


Heard you've been off the boards for a while, so just sending you some positive energy & goodwill!

Take care

[Jen_Jam]

Just a quick update, H and I still in love and things working well. It's almost as if the horrors of the last year and a half have been some bad dream.
H is strating now to take on board some of the things I've said along the way, he's starting to realise that he's not so great and he's not right all the time and if he wants to change something he's better off doing something rather than sitting about moaning or blaming someone else.
He's also realising that his habit of not forgiving people things contradicts his own desire to be forgiven. He says he doesn't want to hang on to bitterness, but he's been doing that. I think he's finally growing in the way I have been. I will be there to support him all the way.

That's it really - things chugging along, I'm glad I found this place it's been so helpful because I feel now I have or can develop the tools required for a happy M, old me was clueless!!!

So - hope all are doing well, and please remember that even if your sitch feels entirely hopeless you won't feel this low for ever. The future will be bright!!

[Rob1231]

Awesome, awesome, awesome.

I think one person's growth just about has to fuel change in the other person. In the best case, that's growth of their own. Yea!

[inpain]

I love to hear how well you're doing JenJam it really inspires me that my M will get there too.

How fantastic that H is starting to grow and change too - must have rubbed off from all your hard work.

I'm glad I found this place it's been so helpful because I feel now I have or can develop the tools required for a happy M, old me was clueless!!!

ditto that!! I wouldn't have made it this far without this BB that's for sure. I also agree about having the "recipe" now for a happy M. I feel like there was no wonder things turned out like they did with the old me - maybe everyone should have to have DR lessons before they get M

[Jen_Jam]

Just want to update...something good happened last night!
I have been ill recently, when I get ill I feel needy and clingy. H asked me how I was, I said I felt a little low and could do with a few extra cuddles and a bit of extra attention, would he give me it? He was fine with that.
Then he said he was going to ring his brother tomorrow (ie tonight) to see if he wanted to go out for a drink. I felt a little put out. Then he said he wanted to put the England-Spain footie match on the TV (had recorded it).
I ended up feeling more put out and said so, but also that I understtod he wanted to see his brother who is going through a difficult time right now. I was a bit sarcastic and said "well you put the football on, I'm having a bath in a minute so i'll be out of your hair". he looked upset.
Anyway, I realised this was going down our old path so I explained I felt put out. H explained he felt confused as 5 mins after I'd said I wanted extra attention I went upstairs to sort out a work problem on the PC. He felt he was getting mixed signals from me.
We listened to each other, I said sorry for the barbed comment, we put on a DVD for a while then I had my bath. I repeated again I had no problem with H catching up with his brother because of the hard time he (brother) is having at the moment. If he wasn't having a hard time I may have said "is it OK not this time?".
So - the upshot is that we are both happy, H has the entire weekend off and has said he'll pay me extra atention then, I said if he went out tonight I'd get a nice meal and a film in, and "i will be happy".
It worked! I commented that it was nice because once upon a time that would have led to us having an argument, now we are both listening to each other. I said it was nice cos itproved we are both changing for the better and H agreed.
Woo yay!! I think this is going to take a while yet to feel really comfortable, but the fact that we can deal with differences of opinion really well now is so encouraging!!!