Maybe you help this cycle to an extent by keeping his shortcomings in front of his face, which reminds him of his guilt, even though your intentions may be good, KWIM? One way you might do this is by keeping the sex issue on the front burner – could he associate your need to have sex with all his other shortcomings and guilt, sort of a Pavlovian response
Wow, that is so right on the money. I'm almost positive that is exactly what I did to H, and MJ reminds me of myself in this case. His guilt makes his depression worse and thus the sex is crappy and so on and so on. That's what I was getting at by not always focusing so much on the negative. Talking and analyzing it to death often makes things worse. Personal experience with that horrible tactic. I've learned to appreciate H for what he does/is willing to do in the SL. And my attitude change is evident to H. And you know what, he states he is extremely attracted to me now. Go figure. I stopped making him fee guilty and our M has definitely seen improvements. Again, the SL is not fixed, but he is initiating and showing desire which goes a long way in my book. I think Cobra has a great point that you may be stuck in a perpetual cycle.
