Have you talked to your H any about his issues from a guilt perspective? Well, actually I guess some of that applies to you too, but I keep getting the same message from his actions - he does not do all that he should (or could) because he feels guilty from not "doing the right thing" in some earlier situation, which angers himself, causing him to feel guilty and renders him incapable (at least in his mind) of stepping up to the plate and “doing the right thing” in the current situation, which makes him feel guilty … and on and on.
Maybe you help this cycle to an extent by keeping his shortcomings in front of his face, which reminds him of his guilt, even though your intentions may be good, KWIM? One way you might do this is by keeping the sex issue on the front burner – could he associate your need to have sex with all his other shortcomings and guilt, sort of a Pavlovian response? If so, what could you do to short-circuit this recurring cycle?
