Your H is not very well, he is suffering from depression. Has he seen the doctor about this? Does he know he is depressed? You are losing your jingle because he has sucked it right out of you, that's what depressed people do to those close to them. Everything I read about your H reminds me of mine, peas in a pod, and your comment about being cranky when he really wants to cry resonated very strongly. They put up "don't come near me" walls/barbed wire/machine gun nests when they are losing it and can't cope. Being nice to someone else at that point is more than they can handle.
I don't know what you can do, I don't think it is healthy for you though :-(
If a w/h were paralyzed from the waist down what should the healthy spouse do about their sex life? That's not the question, the question is: what should the paralyzed one do about the spouse's sex life. Give BJ's, give them their blessing to head to the massage parlour? OG-Lou if BB is too old/sick to have a sex life anymore does that give her the right to deny you one? Mojo if your H is too depressed/sad to have fun anymore does that give him the right to deny fun to you? Yes of course the well spouse should have compassion for the unwell spouse but it should not be a one way street. The unwell should have compassion for the well who have to shift without them. It's too easy - and we've all done it I'm sure - to say "I'm the one who's suffering here" and not see that we have our end of the bargain to keep up. When my H couldn't cope after DS was born all I could think of was "I'm the one that just gave birth" - I needed to have done better than that, I needed to have had compassion for him.
If your H cares for you he should be able to say (even if you have to give him the script) Mojo I'm sick and depressed and I can't see a way to enjoy my life right now, however that doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy yours. Go and have fun in any way you can, bring home a little sunshine and don't feel bad if that sunshine doesn't warm me up. Finding a way for me to get happy is my job not yours.
It's freezing here too, 4 inches of snow last night, which is unheard of in London.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
