Mojo is 42

[MJontheMend]

No not at all. Its loads of fun and makes for great sex. Of course there are times when its --n o t possible. Sort of like, a woman is not capable of being a visually appealing sexually available gymnast right after she had a kid.

Does that make it ok for the guy to lose his attraction? Yep. Does that make it ok for the guy to bang someone else who is, or leave her? Nope.

I hope you would be in agreement with me that it also doesn't make it okay for the guy to passive-aggressively manifest LD behavior and choose to MB to porn rather than be honest with his wife about his loss of attraction to her and it wouldn't be okay for his wife to then respond to this form of rejection by manifesting inappropriate HD behavior.

Thinking about this scenario which I did experience in my own marriage I have to ask myself how would I play my role differently if I had to do it again? Let's say that my H had been mature, brave or differentiated enough to approach me and broach the subject in a loving fashion. Maybe he could have said "Honey, I know you are probably expecting that we should be resuming our sex life at this juncture and I hate to disappoint you because I love you. However, I'm feeling less attraction to you right now because of the way your body changed during pregnancy and perhaps some stress I am feeling about taking on the responsibility of being a father.". Then super high self-esteem, self-accepting, self-aware, not likely to manifest inappropriate HD behavior Mojo could have said "Thank you for being honest with me. I still feel like you are a physically attractive man but as a woman I am most sexually attracted to men who manifest strong sexual desire for me, so your lack of physical attraction to me is going to result in me experiencing a lack of emotional attraction to you. So, clearly we have some problems we need to work on if we are going to continue to have a satisfactory sex life. I'll try to lose some weight and dress/act less like a Mommy and perhaps you can try to widen your perspective about what you "see" as sexually attractive and work on your career in a way that will lessen the stress of the responsibilities of being a father. Of course, I am open to any other suggestions or ideas for solutions that you might have about the matter....Well, if we're not going to have any sex tonight, do you want to go rent some movies? I'll make the popcorn. No butter for me (sigh)."

Knowing what I know now, I would hazard to guess that IF it had played out in that way, the odds that we actually would have had sex before the popcorn was done popping would have been very high. Though, of course, in order for our sex life to continue to improve we both would have had to honor our commitments to work on our problems.

why dont you ask him why he wants to hurt you. or reply that its equally crazy that he would want to hurt his wife.

I know what his answer would be. He would say that he doesn't want to hurt me but he is unable to stop manifesting the behaviors that cause me to feel hurt. He would say that he knows that his behavior is "crazy" but that knowledge doesn't change it. When I called him on yelling at me just recently, he sort of collapsed. He said "There's something wrong with me and none of this is fixing it." and pointed to the various herbs and medications on his dresser.

Right this second, I actually regret posting here, if its changed any womans perspective and 'hurt' her so she is less HD.

Awww, you are such a sweetie. Don't worry about me. I am as impressionable as Silly Putty but just as able to change. Also, I'm really not such a baby even though I've been ridiculously self-indulging my inner child on the BB lately. Let me explain what I mean about my little jingle ball.

When I first came to this BB I felt like I was madly "in love" with my H and made miserable by it due to his constant rejection which caused me to manifest inappropriate HD behavior. Then I tried to improve my self-esteem by doing things such as losing weight. This just made me angry and HD rather than miserable and HD. So then I tried to improve my self-esteem by manifesting less inappropriate HD behavior. For instance, I told myself that I wasn't taking very good care of myself by manifesting the behavior of hugging someone who rejected my hugs rather than returning them. There was a feeling of affection and attraction that would well up inside me and make me want to hug my H but in order to take better care of myself, I trained myself to not hug where my hugs were not wanted. At first this was very hard, I had to fight against the urge to hug him but eventually I developed the habit of "not hugging". For a while after I lost the habit of hugging, I was not hugging but I still had access to the feelings that made me want to hug him. I would feel the feelings but choose not to act on them. But now, for the most part, I have lost access to those feelings. I don't even have the feeling like those feelings are there but I am trying to push them down in order to avoid being hurt. I did have that feeling for a while but not any longer. I want to feel warm huggy feelings but the best I can do is sort of squeeze a bit of the feeling out like trying to get the last of the toothpaste out of the tube. I don't like feeling this way so my thought was if I lost the feeling by simply not performing the act of hugging maybe I can regain the feeling by simply starting to hug more again. The problem is that when I do this my H still does not consistently return my hug, even though he is better about it and he does initiate hugs with me more often. So the feeling that I want to hug him is the jingle in my ball. Basically, I trained myself to manifest less inappropriate HD behavior in order to raise my self-esteem but the result is that I feel more LD even though I am not manifesting LD behavior. The reason I see myself as a little girl with the jingle bell is that I feel like some aspect of th loss of my jingle is equivalent to a loss of innocence. The loss of a naive belief that if I felt nice feelings like wanting to hug someone or did nice things like actually hug them then that feeling or that action would be returned.

That doesnt help me. Keep thinking and if you run across one thats single, give me a jingle.

Well, if you really want a challenge I could set you up with my bi-sexual baby sister who doesn't believe in gender roles. She recently ended a long term relationship and she told me that she is thinking about dating straight men.