I know this was a hard choice to make, but if you stick with this choice, it can be quite liberating. no one knows what the future holds, you could end up back together down the road, you could meet the blond from Taladega nights, or you might find out the being single suits you.
the only certain thing about the future is that it will be as good as you make it. the world is yours for the taking, and that my friend is exciting.
I had already moved on when my W started making suggestions of reconciliation about a month or so ago. This was the first time in over a year that she even hinted she was interested in that. Before that, the only discussion we ever had were over the kids and finances. I'm still not sure what her motivation was for her "supposed" change of hart, but whatever it was, it was not an honest attempt. The more I analyze the after affects of it, the more I come to one conclusion... CONTROL!
She had a quick change of hart when I said I would willing if she would agree to counseling. All through our separation and estrangement, the thought of counseling to her was like holy water to a vampire. She absolutely recoiled at the thought of it. She didn't want to believe she had any issues contributing to the breakup and she certainly didn't want to be called out on the OM. She won't give him up or her self righteousness and she knows this is a boundary I'm not willing to compromise.
It brought back some painful memories for me, but is was short lived. My PMA is high once again and I intend on keeping it there. I do not hold any grudges, I forgive her, myself, and wish her luck.
OK now, for the really important stuff... Where are all the good superbowl parties and what are you making to eat? I love Superbowl weekend, it's almost equal to Thanksgiving as far as food, family, friends and pageantry!
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
I'm glad to hear that you're at peace with your decision. I've been holding on for 10 months with absolutely no signs of reconciliation and I've really got to let go.
You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him discover it in himself. Galileo Galilei
Ironically, that's when my WAW stated to respond. The only problem was much time had passed by then and it made it more complicated to resolve lingering issues.
You get to a point where your not sure you want them back and you never would have thought you would get to that realization when your crisis first starts. All this self development you put yourself through, especially through DB'ing has a positive affect on your own self-image. As time passes, your no longer willing to settle for less. If your S has not resolved their issues in tandem with you during that same period of time, you start to notice an even grater emotional gap between the two of you.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Hello 4ever & flip, thanks for your interest in my situation.
Today wasn't a very good day. There was a huge misunderstanding between stbx and myself. Last night, stbx called and said schools might be closed today due to inclimate weather and she needed me to watch S6 because she couldn't miss work. I agreed and told her I would be home.
To make a long story short, she tried calling me this morning and I didn't answer because my cell phone was downstairs in my coat pocket and I didn't hear it. She didn't try coming over to drop Son off because she assumed I wasn't home. She had to wake her Mother up at 6:30 this morning to watch S6. She was very angry with me telling me I was undependable along with some other choice words. She assumed I spent the night at OW's house which I didn't and seldom do anyway.
She said she was going to confront OW and tell her I was still trying to sleep with her which is not the truth. She said she would try to do whatever to break up my future relationships if I wasn't there whenever she needed me to be. Very angrily she said... "don't f$&k with me or else"!
Now, I have psycho Woman to deal with. All this time, I never said anything to anyone about her OM. I had maybe two or three conversations with her regarding him. I left it alone after a while. I never confronted his Mom and Dad who were instrumental in breaking my family up and reunite their looser Son and my stbx. I never wrote him in prison or confronted him in any manner. I left her alone to follow her fantasy.
It was all over a big misunderstanding. I said I would be home and she thought she needed to call before bringing him over. Now I don't even want to answer her nasty phone calls or have to see her for any reason. I can't help but think she's mentally ill.
How do you handle a Woman like this?
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Stay as far away as possible and let her rage. She's angry...but I'd bet it's as much with herself as it is with you.
My WAW told people all kinds of things (most of which were either simple misunderstandings, exaggerations, or half-truths). I, on the other hand, said little about her and nothing of the PA. Others encouraged me to get in a few good licks myself (after all, she'd started it). But I didn't...and a funny thing happened. The people who know me and know of me haven't bought much of it. In fact, when I say she moved out and we're separated, they're the first ones to ask, "Is there another man?" I just say I don't know and leave it there.
My point is that most folks with at least average intelligence know there are generally two sides to every story and they're also going to be more interested in what you do and how you live your life than in what someone else simply says (and one with an agenda at that). So let her spit into the wind. The truth has a funny way of coming out...no matter how much effort is put into obscuring it.
Yes, I do have the voice mail she left. I didn't erase it. I am trying to avoid her now. It could take a while for her to calm down. I'm working 7 straight 12 hour days/nights, so avoiding her won't be a problem.
It's very weird, but sometimes, I think she is angry OM is in jail and not able to be there for her in a physical sense. She takes this anger out on me because I think she expected me to wait for her OM to get out of jail before I moved on with my life. That could be another 5 to 10 years despite the crap He's feeding her about his imminent parole in November. Parole is by no means a guaranteed outcome of a hearing. This is especially true for 2 ND degree Murder. He received 15 years to life and will have completed 15 years this year.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
