I do miss home more now because of this situation. Would have SO MUCH support if I was home and plenty of opportunity to go out as the grandparents miss S so much and love to have him as much as possible! Also with having the little one it is almost impossible to get out alone....hard to trust anyone with your child if you don't know them too well.
Sorry for your lack of physical support here. But remember your DB pals are here! You may vent and know we will be here to listen. Emotional support.
I have a real hard time thinking someone other than my mother law would be caring for my D too. I don't mind baby sitting for you. Perhaps you can drop by when you are in California!
Originally Posted By: geordie
Recent interactions with H have been good; he has been doing little things for me (called me out of the blue last night asking what size the air con filter was as he was in the store and wanted to get one...??! Guess he wasn't with OW at that moment even though he just drove to her several hours previously). Tonight when I came in from work he was lying on the bed with S (trying to get him to sleep - guess he misses him since he's never around at bed time, and S usually sleeps in his crib) and he seemed really relaxed and didn't rush away when I came in. Wanted to show me how he makes S laugh. Things have been positive overall.
More baby steps to add to your list!
Originally Posted By: geordie
I know I shouldn't have but I said (as he was on his way out of the door) "I would have liked you to come with me...." he replied "err...oh..no, that isn't right". For some reason that made me quite upset.
Pretty sure I would have done the same. I would wonder while in California if I would have asked would he have come along. At least when you are away, he may even wondered what it would be like to be there with you and your S. I would have been upset too because of him now wanting to do the "right" thing. Hopefully, he will figure out what that is and return to your arms.
Originally Posted By: geordie
Anyway, for the first time in a while I feel like I heard some very geniune words...he told me "i do miss being with you babe" (and quickly followed that with "and of course I miss S too"). I told him that I didn't want to have a go at him or get angry or talk about R etc - just wanted him to know that I am hurting. Surprisingly he didn't try to get me off the phone (like ususal) and we changed the subject to california......of course I told him who and why (he kept asking who I knew in california and I am not a good liar.....too damn honest!). Anyway, all in all, it ended on a good note and he said "I'll see you tomorrow".
I think he is similar to my H in that respect. H shows me that he genuiuely cares about me, but then because he is afraid to commit to the R again, H tries to take back what has been said or done by withdrawing. In a way to protect himself and me. Doesn't want me to be lead on. I guess in a way they would like to believe they know what they want and strive to run the course with that. They are thrown off course when they unconsiously reveal not only to us, but themselves with words or actions they still have feelings for us. I am sure he just needs more time to figure it out on his own.
Originally Posted By: geordie
Ups and downs...it's giving me a headache. I'm very stressed with work this month although I am really trying to make the effort to keep looking after myself. Need to look good every time I see H and so far it's working. He is noticing.
Lots of progress to record on your list of baby steps!
