For those of you wondering why we still have a joint acct, it's b/c we are not legally S and I do not want to come to any monetary agreement w/o consulting a L.
nic,
What I know is that half of anything in a joint acct. is yours. Period. I know it was his bonus, so ok, maybe you don't want to rock the boat so you don't mind that he take his bonus out. But he should not leave you high and dry that you're overdrawn and can't buy groceries.
These men get very angry and touchy about money during this. My H included. I can tell you that we left the joint accts. open for many months while we lived apart and were not yet legally sep. but eventually I got smart, opened my own acct. and put my paycheck in that. Away from his MLC spending sprees. I would suggest you do something similar. I know how scary it is, believe me. I got sick after I went to the bank that first time, to move everything around. But you do have to be sure that you will be ok. I would tell H that you ended up overdrawn and needed to buy food. It's the truth, and he should know that you can't be left in the lurch this way. You need to get away from his debt, too. I know how you feel, as I don't make nearly what my H does, and now I'm trying to live on my own with very little help from him. He will continue to lie; they all do it. He wants you to think the best of him, that's why he lies. If he didn't care whether you thought he was helping himself he would just tell you he stopped therapy. But you see, he wants you to think he's working on himself. I'm sorry you're going through this. Just remember what I said: protect your finances.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
