Still in the fight

[81388*]

TO and Whatis;
Thanks for the advice and for the pity party. I know that morally and scripturally I would be on solid ground filing for D. I find it interesting that God, through neither Matthew, Luke, nor Paul said we MUST divorce the unfaithful spouse, only that it is acceptable to do so.

I know what it is I want at this point, my bigger question is what does God want. I have to believe that God does not want this D, of course he didn't want my complacent attitude towards my M, nor my W's choice to have an A either. I know God hates divorce. I need to understand what my godly response to all of this is.

I pray for many things, that His will be done, clarity and direction, forgivness and repentance, thanks for what He has done and is doing, but most of all I pray that I may make of it what He would have me make of it. I have felt the conviction of the things that were lacking in me, and I have professed those sins and actively repent of them. I spend time in His word and seek understanding and application. I aknowlege that this will be resolved in His time and in His way, but I don't know what to do with the Pain.

I know it is all part of God's greater plan, and the pain is serving a purpose, but dealing with it as it overtakes me and makes me worthless at work, or sneaks up as I interact with the kids, or watch my W sleep. I need to learn what it is I am supposed to do with it. I know it is a burden that He would gladly carry, and perhaps that is the problem, I am not willing to allow Him to take it from me.