I'm so sorry to hear how hard things are for you and SO now. The best thing you can do for everyone is to NOT personalize it, do NOT make it about YOU. It is not about you. You can be more help for him, yourself, and your family if you recognize this so that you can operate without worrying about what all this means about you. Jerking your kids around isn't going to help anyone.
Have you considered consulting with someone to see if he can be committed for awhile? I cannot believe that they are willing to release him after his self-destructive behavior has clearly endangered others.
