What has he done or said that makes you think he is open to hearing ideas about the other side, so to speak? If he is not ready to go to joint counseling have you suggested individual counseling? Do you have children? I ask because my H said that one of the things I said to him make him really sit down and think...it came up one day when I had made it clear to him that I was open to talking about a reconciliation and he asked me why would I want him as a husband... I told him that I did for two reasons.. first I had made a choice when we married and I stood by my choise and second that I knew that I had a long term obligation and committment to our children and that I kept myself open to reconciliation as I knew that I could one day look the kids in the eyes and tell them that I had done everything that I possibly could to reconcile things... that I had a clear conscious with respect to being opne to the idea of putting things back together again. He said that really ate away at him and that he really chewed on that and it was a major reason for trying again on his part.
Also, if your H is really open to discussions.. you need to stay away from it as it may be too soon for you guys and you could slip into a bad OR talk.. instead ask him if he wants information.. if he seems open to it then get him book on recovery from an affair.. get him Michelle's book.. if he is not a reader.. get him books on tape or videos. The other thing my h said to me was that he had doubts about it being possible to reconcile.. so reading some of those books that have possitive examples of recovery was helpful to him.. it made him see that it was possible. Good luck P.S. unless he is being really clear about his desire for info.. try not to be too upset if he rebuffs your attempts at giving him info... and remember he might perceive you as being desparate in someway as opposed to trying to just be helpful.. so it is a fine line be sure you protect yourself.
