Still in the fight

[81388*]

Update;
Since being gone for the weeekend, W has been more talkative, no R or emotions, just small stuff. She has accepted a job, which sounds like it will fit with her other activities, but is 50 miles away. I imagine she will start to look for her own place somewhere in between.

She has been offered a chance to go out of the country for a week to teach, set up in part by OM. Only problem, it is over D11 birthday. I thought at first that she was going to say that she couldn't make the trip, when will I learn, when she was telling me about the position she took, she said she already cleared the time to go teach.

I have not said anything other than "that sounds really exciting, and a great opportunity", but really want to. W has missed many other important events over the years, and we have always just kept our chins up because what she does is important, and we thought we were doing it for her as part of a family and out of love for her. Now, I just want to yell at her, "YOU HAVE BECOME THE MOST SELFISH PERSON I HAVE EVER KNOWN."

On other occaisions, she has missed things because she had to go, this time she is going to miss her own D's birthday because she chooses to. She is not getting paid for this trip, and I don't know if the OM is going along or not, she hasn't said, only that he helped set it up.

This is why I find it so difficult to compete with OM. He has all the connections to promote my W career, and make a way for her to finally get the recognition she has deserved all along, I have been totally supportive of her over the years, willingly doing whatever I could to help her develop and grow and take on more responsibility, but I could never take her to the next level. We had developed a way for that to happen, but it was bogging down, and I really wasn't able to do everything she needed to make it work, and she had said several times that she can't do it alone.

As much as it hurts to say this, the more I think about this whole situation, the more I see that it is this issue of "pursuing the dream" that is most driving this whole thing. After the bomb, during one of her few comments on why she was doing this, she said she just had to try and make this work, and she would never forgive herself if she didn't try. This was in response to the opportunity to do what she does on a professional level.

I have never told her she couldn't, or shouldn't do this, I have gone out of my way to try and make it possible. Again, as I think more about this it starts to make sense. Keeping in mind that I have known this woman for 26 years, OM is not the type that she has ever expressed the slightest interest in. In many ways he is the opposite physically, of what she has always been attracted to.

I have said before that I think the reason she WILL NOT discuss any of this with me is because she is scared to death that she will get talked out of doing what she is doing. Oh, I know she is convincing herself that they were made for each other, and that he is saving her from her horrible relationship, and I am sure OM is doing a great job of feeding her self esteem and providing a wonderful fantasy where she can have it all, and keep me around to care for the kids, but deep down inside Iknow she knows what she is doing is wrong. She is throwing her H and kids under the bus to pursue a job opportunity!

I really don't know what to do at this point, between the A, choosing to miss B-day, refusal to even talk about things, cont. to cake eat,etc. I am as close as I have been to just telling her to leave.

Any and all thoughts would be appreciated.