Youll figure it out, you're a smart girl. If I were to hazard a guess, probably when your ready to be honest, or when you are fed up.
My desire to flee when things are getting better is due to the fact that my experience has taught me that they will get worse again and yet I feel like it would be cruel to flee when things are bad.
Intimacy is scary and thats where you are headed when things get better.
Dr. Harley gives a very very good description on the process of going from withdrawal to conflict to intimacy. I was going to remind HD of it. check. dun. got it off my list now.
Fear encourages us to self protect, which in turn causes us to behave in ways that lead us right to what we dont want.
Fear always has to be rationalized, its a truly amazing thing to see, when you are constantly observing and controlling people who are in extreme fear inducing activities, how it always has to be rationalized. The worse the fear the worse the verbal output, sometimes it just indiciferable vocalizations, or the really funny ones, when words are strung together into sentences without meaning. I have been ruminating on how people when challanged mentally or pyschologically, often step up and really show some outstanding strength and behavior, much like the body improves when it is challanged. Stop challanging it, and it turns weak, mushy, unpredictable, and not very reliable. Of course if you over tax them, it will crack, break and become temporarily (hopefully) incapacitated.
"I can't be the one who comforts you when I'm the one who hurt you. You are crazy to seek comfort from the one who hurt you." That is a very true statement. It makes complete sense to me. I would tell my children the same thing in regards to a bully. Men who insist on 'loving their wife no matter what she does to me' while she disrespectfully pounds on his emotions would do well to take that advice also.
why dont you ask him why he wants to hurt you. or reply that its equally crazy that he would want to hurt his wife. His efforts to 'push' you towards the higher function Mojo may be off slightly, but Im sure equally matched by your emotional reactivity. Well your less surrendered now, but equally less HD... is that really the only way for a woman to remain HD? Sigh. and if so why are they constantly trying to change their perspective to not be. Right this second, I actually regret posting here, if its changed any womans perspective and 'hurt' her so she is less HD.
Also, if I'm going to be honest, I will say that if I don't cry when he yells at me then that is because it didn't hurt so I'm just some sort of manipulative liar if I stand there without tears in my eyes and say "It hurts. A lot.".
yep. if it no longer hurts you, then reply however you want.
because sometimes Daddy would yell at me and send me to my room but later he would always hug me and make it better too.
reminds me of a slightly similar dynamic in my M. I would say something teasing, joking or 'mean' and when she would get pouty, I would hug her or give her a kiss and she wouldnt refuse but she would 'resist' or push and complain, 'I dont want to kiss you, why do you always want a kiss from me after you are mean to me.' LOL. Cause she was so cute when she was mad.
Or the times when I would 'yell' (I can count on one hand the number of times I have litterally raised my voice at a woman 3 of them were within weeks of the Bomb ) Ill come in 10 minutes later and smack her on the ass or rumple her hair and say 'are you still upset about that, that was like... 3 days ago. Im hungry what are you fixing for dinner?' LOL.
The hero is the man so manly that he is able to overcome her resistance to giving up her independence and provide her with a safe harbor in which she can express her femininity.
Huh. Imagine that. I cant imagine why women would find those books the slightest bit provocative and be so rapt by them. Personally Id rather just look at some naked T&A.
So from your POV, women are sort of needy to have the scene in the novel in which the woman's masculine style resistance or desire for independence is overcome by the man's manliness play over and over again in their lives No not at all. Its loads of fun and makes for great sex. Of course there are times when its --n o t possible. Sort of like, a woman is not capable of being a visually appealing sexually available gymnast right after she had a kid.
Does that make it ok for the guy to lose his attraction? Yep. Does that make it ok for the guy to bang someone else who is, or leave her? Nope.
I'm kind of thinking you might have to go to France or somewhere like that where the women are better trained in the feminine arts to find the kind of woman you are looking for. Done that What BF needs is to find a woman who had a really good relationship with her father AND her mother growing up. That woman will like men AND she will like herself. When BF starts "doing nothing" and stops being "Daddy" she will simply switch over to "mothering" herself in order to self-validate her femininity Done that too. Well close to it. upon closer inspection there were some pesky details... but still ....Im pretty sure the problem is (pointing at self) right here ------> (BF).
When I need "rescuing" and feel like there is nobody to rescue me, I naturally try to become my own "Daddy" because that is who rescued me when I was young. If I can become my own "Mommy" when I need rescuing then I can rescue myself without forsaking my femininity. This is kind of what I was trying to do in a subconscious self-destructive manner when I fed myself cookies for comfort David Deida says if she can be her own masculine energy, then what does she need you for? If you cant give it to her she isnt going to want you, and if she wont let you provide it for her, then he is going to go find someone who will
And sometimes I'm going to throw my little jingle ball against a wall and nobody is going to come out to play with me There is just something about the jingle ball analogy that is so.... sad. I can see the little girl in her sunday dress playing listlessly with the jingle ball, but I cant hear it, and it makes me want to go see why its not jingling anymore.
Its reallly Annnoyyyinggg, because when I lived in the country as a kid, I used to pitch to myself against the front steps, and play tennis against the side of the barn, and wander around the fields throwing corn stalks at the crows and cats, but I was never lonely doing it.
As far as your friend and her marrage, 2nd marriage, remarriage, adnauseum all I have to say is Deut 24:2-4.
A lot of women validate their femininity by being maternal. Some women validate their femininity by interacting with other women Nod. That doesnt help me. Keep thinking and if you run across one thats single, give me a jingle.
