The long and short is that we've had problems, and we have both done dumb things, me the worst. I have admitted to my mistakes (related to ADHD/possible mild bipolar disorder) taken responsibility for them, and have been getting counseling and meds. I have been going through all of the DB techniques that I can (GAL, 180, etc), giving her space, supporting her need to get a new profession, etc.
We both see the same psychologist/marriage counselor together and alone.
Things have been getting better at home, and I was having some hope that the marriage could be salvaged.
I have been taking bipolar meds to keep my emotions more on an even-keel. The doctor said she doesn't think I have bipolar disorder, but I have been keeping the fact that I was taking the meds from my W. She doesn't want to understand my medical problems, and when our psychologist explains it to her regarding to some of my actions, she doesn't believe him. W has constantly displayed her disdain for people with medically-based mental issues (no I am not crazy, and have a very high IQ-LOL) She dug through the trash and found my prescription bag and asked me about it last night after we had gone to bed. So I told her that the Dr. doesn't think I am bi-polar, but she didn't believe it.
Last night, W stated that too much has happened in the past and that she wanted to find someone to love again, to make her feel pretty. She said that she has been too busy with school to look around for someone else, but she stated that she might. I know she said it to hurt me, but it still hurt very, very much.
I am still very much in love with her, and she knows this. We go out on "dates" and have a good time, but she refuses any physical contact of any kind, and doesn't want any kind of romantic overtures from me. It has been 18 months now. Both the MC and I think that if she allows any kind of romance back into our relationship that she will give up her freedom, and principles.
I am starting to lose hope, I know this is a long process, but what now? I am in such pain.....ack!!!!
