I can only share my own experience... but the only thing that helped me with that "revolving door" cycle (or husband "sitting on the fence post"), was finally detaching. You have to start living your life as if your husband isn't going to come back. What have you always wanted to do? What friends could you start building a stronger connection with?

Detaching can be very difficult. I've found this "running away" pattern can create an unhealthy co-dependency. And from what you've described it sounds like your husband may still enter the cycle again (I'm basing this on your description of him saying if things aren't the way he wants them to be then he'll leave again. My husband used to say that and eventually he would leave again... each time going a little further).

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.