You aren't giving him the third degree. It is reasonable for a couple who are M to communicate with each other as to where they will be, whether or not they have kids, but especially when they have kids. Wanting to know his plans is NOT giving him sh*t about going out.
I tried to communicate this to him. He brought up my ex-h, saying that he went out all the time and I stayed with him. Huh?
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Avoiding this is not going to make it go away. IF he simply wants personal time and is not seeing OW, then communicating with you about his plans should not be an issue. It is simply common decency.
I also said this to him, I don't see what the problem is. He says he is tired of people telling him what to do.
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"H, we have a problem we need to work through, and I want to work through it. But, your anger is getting in the way of us making progress. How can we get beyond that?"
I know calling him while he is at work is not a good idea but I just can't leave things like this. So I did, and as I expected he didn't pick up. I pretty much said above. I asked if there was anything that we could do to work things out without resorting to yelling as I do not want to live this way either.
As far as money issues, yes we have big problems there. We are both irresponsible, but I have vowed to do better by getting a job and stopping almost all unneccessary spending.
I just wish we could talk calmly and rationally without anger flaring it's ugly head.