He is angry because he knows he is being a sh*t and that makes him feel bad. He would rather avoid that feeling, so he gets angry at you.
You aren't giving him the third degree. It is reasonable for a couple who are M to communicate with each other as to where they will be, whether or not they have kids, but especially when they have kids. Wanting to know his plans is NOT giving him sh*t about going out.
Avoiding this is not going to make it go away. IF he simply wants personal time and is not seeing OW, then communicating with you about his plans should not be an issue. It is simply common decency.
It is not your fault that he is having an over the top reaction to you asking to be treated well. Maybe you can ask him to work with you to find a solution that works for both of you. Really, all he needs to do is to TM you and let you know what is up. Perhaps you could go out with him and his friends twice a month.
And, if you want to know the truth, his outburst suggests to me that he is up to no good. This doesn't mean he is seeing OW, but he is doing something he wants to hide. Who knows what it is, but he is ashamed of it and afraid of giving it up. It could simply be that he is ashamed of the beer money because he knows he is not being a responsible man, husband or father with his current spending habits.
His comments last night -- he immediately thought you wanted to talk about money -- and today -- he brought up bankruptcy -- suggest that money issues are bothering him a lot. He is spinning out of control with money -- the lottery tickets, the partying, etc...
Anyway, his anger becaused you expressed yourself is not a reason to deny the legitimacy of your feelings and what you want in your M.
"H, we have a problem we need to work through, and I want to work through it. But, your anger is getting in the way of us making progress. How can we get beyond that?"
(BTW, talking to him while he is at work is also probably not a good time. I think there is stuff in DB about how to pick good times to talk when he will be receptive to hearing you.)
