I must sound soooo negative, that is one of the reasons why H left me! I'm just finding it really hard at the moment. I'm really tired and i'm so paranoid about H and his mobile phone. That is what has set me off in a downward spiral this time. He quickly put his phone away again when i walked in the room and it seems like he is hiding something. i try not to let it get to me but it does. I know i'm being totally irrational.
JenJam - We met through a mutual friend and for at least the first year i think we were really in love. I have always been totally in love with H but i don't think he has loved me for a long time. He always said he loved me, right up until the split. But since then he says in hindsight he doesn't think that he did. We have been together for 13 years, married for 3 years. He says i pressured him into marriage - we were together for 10 years before we got married, i wouldn't call that pressure, would you?!!!!!! I suppose it must have been very draining for him if i kept saying that i didn't think he loved me - i have never thought about it like that before. Also, if someone tells you that enough times, you will start to believe it!
I am the sort of person who needs constant reasurance and approval from others and feel guilty so easily about anything and everything - basically i was really hard work, so i don't blame him for leaving. I then got post natal depression after first son was born and i think after helping me through that H had just about had enough!
I got pregnant again (totally planned) but a week after i told H i was pregnant we had an argument and he left. I think he probably couldn't face the thought of post natal depression again. which could be why he has moved back in now, now that he can see i am coping and i'm not depressed.
I am so disapointed that the hugs have stopped and once again there are no kisses in his texts. I keep trying to tell myself that this is just a bit of a setback and to carry on - which i will. I am just so desparate for his love.
