Lil: Did you make a heartfelt personal commitment to the MAN, or did you just promise to take him on as a project? Or to make the best of the soup you found yourselves in?
Mojo: Have there been times in my marriage when I would have wanted to make a heartfelt personal commitment to my H if I believed it would be returned? Yes. Is that a good enough answer?
Yes, that is a good enough answer: the answer is NO. There's nothing wrong with this answer; just realize that you are keeping yourself in this R with sheer will power.
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Also, I have to say that I don't think that the heart is the organ people should be making any sort of commitments with.
Deflect, deflect, deflect. You KNOW what I'm asking you-- you said it above, "I would have wanted to make a heartfelt personal commitment if I believed it would have been returned." Your self preservation instinct was right on: if you HAD made such a heartfelt personal commitment to him, you'd probably be hurting worse than you are now. At least now you've got your shields up high enough that he is mostly an annoyance.
The point is that you two got into this relationship through an accident of poor judgment and you've been trying to make the best of it. YOUR will power is running out. The phrase "running on empty" comes to mind.
HIS will power is not being tested... he can stay in the place of slacker-self-loathing-loser indefinitely. It doesn't take energy or will power from him to do that.
