OT, First of all let me start off by telling you that I am honored that you gave me your advice. You are so objective and straightforward and always give me something to think about.
That being said;
Quote:
Do you think about leaving because you want him to chase after you, or do you think about leaving because you are not getting what you want from an R?
The answer is both. I am not getting what I want from the R so in my mind him running after me would be a way of getting it.
Quote:
You seem to swing from bottled up anger to remorse for having acted badly for expressing those doubts to dismissing your doubts because you were a bad girl in how you expressed them, which of course doesn't work so the anger builds again.
Yep, I agree. I am all over the place. I obviously don't know how to deal with my emotions and appear to react out of fear. I definitely could use help in this arena.
Quote:
"H, last night wasn't the best time to bring stuff up. Let me try again more directly. I love you. I am glad that things are moving in a positive direction. To be fair to both of us, I need to share with you that I am not satisfied with some things and if our M is to work we will need to work together on these things. I feel in the dark a lot of the time about what you are doing and who you are with. I have observed things that directly contradict what you tell me. I want to be in an R where there is openness and trust. Rebuilding trust will take effort on both are parts. And, I am a worthy person who deserves that effort from you if we are to have the kind of wonderful M I know is possible for us."
I really like this sample dialogue. I have a very difficult time expressing myself. Most of the time I speak before I think and things don't come out the way I meant for them to.
I wish I could be better at this. Alot of my problems boil down to my own insecurities. A feeling of not being good enough for him. How can I turn this around? Ugh...
