Ever - Your H sounds worse than mine, actually. My H does make sure that we have enough money, thank goodness. I am just really upset that he said nothing about this money. I find it disrespectful.
Bill - Thanks for your support.
COG - I think that your ideas are great for a couple who is not as far gone as we are. No way would I be able to say that I love him and give him a kiss at the end. It just isn't going to happen.
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It's sounding more and more like you are DONE, and I'm not judging that either.
I guess it depends on what you mean by "done." I am not going to file for Divorce, nor am I going to date. However, I am not really hopeful anymore. I am not going to try extra-hard to be kind and loving. I will treat him with the kindess I would treat a casual friend, not a husband.
You know how hard I've tried. I have really tried to break down the barriers, but now it's his turn to reciprocate in a more obvious way. If he's feeling worthless or whatever, he still needs to take the risk of telling me that he loves me and wants to be with me, if that's what he wants. I've had the guts to do that, and I am worth having it done for me.
I am still very sad for the loss of my marriage, for the loss of my dreams. But a desire for the past to be different is not enough to build a marriage on. He has made some changes, but much remains the same.
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Whoa, you are fired up right now! I'd be standing at attention too if I were your H.
LOLOL! Boy, this is nothing! I'm annoyed, but calm. You should see me when I'm really mad!
I know I will be sad if he still wants a D, but I will not be devastated. You are right, COG, that he did have these same qualities when I married him. I thought his irresponsibility was charming b/c I am so over-responsible. I thought his fun-loving side was refreshing b/c I tend(ed) towards seriousness. However, those qualities became larger than life over the years, whereas the ones I thought I needed help with have mellowed.
I'm actually feeling pretty good. I'm peaceful. Somewhat sad, but peaceful. I remain open to the God and the Universe, and I will see what happens next.
Love to all, Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
