I haven't posted for awhile but read everyone's updates everyday! I have so much respect for everyone here and it gives me comfort to see how far you have all come - there is hope - I like to keep telling myself that anyway. I was hoping that somebody can tell me what direction I should go. I have spent the last week in total backslides the last two weeks, I can't go for more than a couple days without hearing his voice. Of course he is cold and put off and I know that I shouldn't call. He does call the kids everynight guess I should be thankful for that. But, after reading and reading about MLC he is totally textbook and I just can't even begin to see the light at the end of this tunnel. Looking back now I can see that it started about 2 years ago.
The problem that I have now is that he living out of state, makes every excuse to why he can't come out (work, work, work), I have caught him in a few lies, he says he is broke which is not true, he has sent no money since Dec.5 and now has not called me in 2 weeks, but he always answers when I call. The only interest he shows to the kids is the 20sec. phone calls to the kids everynight. I know what I am supposed to do, but how do you not think about them 24/7? I can't concentrate at work, can't eat, sleep, nothing! How can one person cause so much damage overnight and not even look back? Our first court date is March 6, how can I try to make things better before then? How do I fix what I have done by pushing him farther away the last 2 weeks? So much more to say but I'll stop here for now.
