Not posted to you before, just now checking out your thread. Man, what a rollercoaster you've been on.
I gotta tell you, I would be inclined to agree with Virginia and say that it's time you got some distance between your wife and you. Whatever "journey" she's going through right now, it's clearly bad for you and it's not doing her much good either. I'd be inclined to say that by comforting her and allowing her back in for support and nurturing each time, all you're really doing is allowing her to believe that it's ok to keep jacking you around like a yo-yo. To this point there are NO consequences to her deciding to go play in the OP playground. Why should she stop?
For me it's a pretty simple rule. You want to play with OP, you don't get to play with me. Period. And everytime you choose to go play with OP, the time you have to wait before you can come play with me again grows. Very simple. Simple in terms of a rule that is. It will be hard for you, because you LIKE it when she comes back, you ENJOY being the one to save her. Part of that is because you love her and that's only right. But you are ENABLING her to continue in this cyclical pattern of destructive behavior that will ultimately wear both of you out.
My suggestion for you is that you sit her down and let her know that this is it, that you are done saving her from her decision to return to OP. I would tell her that you don't want her back until she can tell you that she is DONE with OP FOR GOOD, and that she is CERTAIN that she wants your marriage back.
Then it's time for you to move on and spend some time on yourself.
A little story about my sitch. Wife left me suddenly, started with a suicide attempt out of the clear blue sky. This was september, she filed october, it was official december. Talk about whirlwind. For the first two months I was a basket case, couldn't function, EXTREME anxiety. I was a mess. I was a mess with a 14 year old son at home watching me not so slowly fall apart. It was this that eventually drove me to ask my doc for some AD's. I hated it. Took them for three days, then stopped. Told myself that there was NO PERSON in the world who should have the power to make me feel this way. I still carry those pills to remind me of what happens when my happiness is determined by another person. It will never happen again in my life.
You need to get to that point.
Wishing you the best,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
