That's excellent! But here is something I want you to think about. What would have been wrong with hugs for the kids when you left the in-laws and that's it. A friendly good-bye and thank you from you and then leave. You see, his mind is working overtime also. It isn't just yours. Let HIS mind work for YOUR benefit. You so good night, your happy, you smile, just like if you were dating. Then he is left to wonder. Why is she so happy? She and the kids sure have fun. What am I missing?
Also, you wanting him to call is an expectation. You must keep expectations to an absolute minimum. MUST! An unfulfilled expectation will set you off in a heartbeat. I would also suspect if you look back on the M,it is the expectations on both parts that caused some heated discussion. This gets back to the cyclic behavior. A+B=C. (Tell me I'm wrong and I'll go away) This all relates back to the communication skills you have developed throughout the relationship. It isn't rocket science.You simply need to develop different ways of saying what is on your mind. It's all in presentation.
Have you read DB or DR? If yes, re-read it. It is a great refresher. As with anything else we want to understand, educate yourself. Search the web looking for relationship tools, you will be amazed.
Still here on piecing. Thought after last weekend I would be gone but I'm not. H and I went to dinner and a concert tonight and it was fun most of the time. It was strange saying goodnight and having him drive away but I tm him saying it was fun gn and he tm back it really was thanks. I told him that I wanted to forget about my ultimatum last weekend and say 6 months and I am working on a new marriage program alone, I invited him to join me if he wants...
Me 45 H 51 married 15 yrs D 13, S's 10,8 bomb 1-06, moved out 3-06 filed for D, 7-06,10-06,11-06,12-06 3-07, asked to try again 6-07 D on hold D process restarted 10-07 now trying to reconcile!
You did well with the dinner date. This is where you want to start getting to know each other again. Next time, just say thanks and good night. The rest of what you communicated can easily be seen as pressure by your H. You are very fortunate to be able to interact with him like this. These are fantastic oppotunities to let your PMA shine. All of the DB processes can be implemented when you are together. The actions he sees from you will make the memory of what a good time you had.
Just enjoy the moment. Have fun! He knows how you feel about the M. You've made the invitation, let him see the new you and make the decision to recommit when he is ready. Get the 6 month or any other time frame out of your head. It is an expectation. Just let things happen as you DB.
You're doing well, develop patience and you will be rewarded.
Me 45 H 51 married 15 yrs D 13, S's 10,8 bomb 1-06, moved out 3-06 filed for D, 7-06,10-06,11-06,12-06 3-07, asked to try again 6-07 D on hold D process restarted 10-07 now trying to reconcile!
I am done in that I am going to move on with my life. I am sorry but I have been hanging on to little things that meant nothing. He was cruel to me over the past few days. If things work out some day it will be because he comes crawling back. Maybe this is LRT, I don't know but I am done being miserable.
Me 45 H 51 married 15 yrs D 13, S's 10,8 bomb 1-06, moved out 3-06 filed for D, 7-06,10-06,11-06,12-06 3-07, asked to try again 6-07 D on hold D process restarted 10-07 now trying to reconcile!
That is EXACTLY what you should do. I call it moving forward with life. Putting YOU and the kids first. If he pulls his head out and recommits, fine, but until then get out of the way! Good for you.
This is how you use the negative energy you were wasting, on yourself. I bet you feel empowered. Move forward with vigor.
